Tuesday, June 30, 2009


I have a lot of Echinacea, or Purple Cone Flowers. They were here when I moved in and they grow wild here in abundance. I don't think they were planted by anyone, anyway, they're real good for a headache. I make a tea from the petals. They don't taste bad, but, they don't taste great, so I throw in a regular teabag and then they just taste like tea. Echinacea has a relaxing quality, on me anyway. It's a good antibiotic too and it's the only thing I've found that works on dry socket after a bad dental visit. I can drink a lot of it, but, you can start with a few petals and see how you like it. It sure won't hurt you and it's easy to identify. It's also used to relieve urinary tract infections. You can dry it, but, you don't have to.

Crazy Cosmos

This Iowa jungle weather had produced some strange Cosmos. They are all 5-6 feet tall. I have them in several spots and they are just starting to bloom. Sorry, the wind blew a plastic bag in there, I should have taken the picture after I took it out..anyway, the Cosmo foliage is particularly pleasing to me. It's so airy and lacy. I made wallpaper out of it. I'd plant these even if they didn't bloom.

Kick ass vine

This is that Silver Clematis vine I posted about before. Look how it's filled in. It grows over last years growth and makes a sort of insulation that helps block out noise. It's pretty crazy and was totally worth the effort it took to dig it up. When it blooms, I'll post it again, because it's pretty. But, if you're looking for a plant for privacy, this is it. You can click the pic to really see how thick and heavy it gets. There's no way anyone can see through that.

The most glorious day in the history of Iowa

Today really was a gorgeous day, whatever problems blogger had, well, I wasn't paying much attention anyway. I spent most of the day outside. This kind of day is extremely rare. Not only did no one fuck with me (I know! That's a first) but, the weather was beeeeeeeeeautiful. The temp stayed around 78 and a breeze blew. We NEVER have that in Iowa! This is a region of extremes, it's really a horrible place if you like being outside. But, not today. I haven't seen a day this perfect in years. It reminded me of the Summers of childhood. The air smelled like flowers and everything is lush and mysterious and blooming. I sat in the side yard in the afternoon and just watched the light change and play tag in the trees. Every once in awhile a neighborhood kid set off a firecracker, the dogs would bark and instead of being annoying, it was sweet. I found some Tomato's I grew from seeds over by Mom's fence. I planted them really late, like a month ago, and they are now 4 foot tall. Kind of skinny from being smothered in the weeds, but, I pulled the Lambs Quarter and Ragweed and tied them. I found some cucumbers growing up an old swing, nearly covering it. They look pretty cool. It was a pack of seeds I'd given Lissa. I like giving kids seeds and seeing where they come up. It's like a surprise in July. It's too bad I have that old clothes line, huu? I don't think I'll be invited to be in House and Garden. That's okay, they don't do my laundry. Sometimes I take photos of my laundry. Is that weird? I collect '50's linens and I use them. So, they look cool hanging out there. At least to me. Sigh. What a perfect day. If people would leave me alone, I could love it here. I just checked Yahoo and we are supposed to have another perfect day tomorrow. It's too much to hope for. I may die of happiness.

Feeding my head

I'd forgotten how good it is to go free organic grocery shopping in your own backyard. It rocks! There's dinner. Some Turnips and Green Beans which I cooked up together and I added some new Potato's from Joey's garden. The spuds were those perfect little pink ones that you don't even need to peel. To the pot I added Garlic Whistles, new Onions and tops, Rosemary, salt, pepper and real butter. I made a salad and had some good bread and that was the whole dinner. I had a chicken breast to steam, but, I threw it in the freezer..THIS stuff is what I wanted. Man, it was good too. I'm now picking beans every other day and everything else is abundant except Tomatos. I'm only getting one or two a day right now, the rest stay stubbornly green. I did get handfull of Cherry Tomatos, but, somehow those didn't make it into the house. Gowd, I love those things. Wish you'd all been here, there sure is plenty. Can't wait until the Corn comes on.

Neverland scares me

So, I just read that Michael's funeral is going to be at his beloved Neverland Ranch. The last pics I saw of Neverland showed a neglected castle, the landscaping deteriorated to weeds and the rusted carnival rides silent and still. His zoo is long gone. Did someone fix the place up? Even if they did, it's scary. It was scary before MJ died. The old palace where the crazy king of pop indulged in his Peter Pan fantasies. I know there are some people who loved him and think he didn't do the things he was accused of, and that's your right, but, I think he did. I think he was messes up and I'd have great sympathy for him if what he did didn't involve kids. Michael was messed with..bad. And adults that were messed with can go two ways. They mess with other kids or they have a rage for people who mess with kids. I don't know what went on in his head, but, Neverland is a bad place. You couldn't pay me his checking account interest for a night to sleep there alone. Yes, he was a genius, he was one crazy messed up dude though and that place is a bad bad place. I wonder if he'll be there? Eternally moon walking the desolate halls? I have Beat It stuck in my head thanks to all the news. Bitch. I'm more of a Billy Jean chick.
I'm pissed at blogger. It doesn't seem to be working with IE. I have to go to Disher to log on to get here. Isn't that stupid? I'm having trouble viewing this page. I can view everything else on the net as usual. Blogger's up to some shit, as usual.


I amused myself by walking around the yard last night taking pictures. I have no yard light, don't even have a porch light and it's pretty wild out there. That top one is a Cantelope blossom. Not very showy, is it? Not like Squash or Pumpkin flowers which kind of blow me away with their size and intense color. Look at the crazy Watermelons making out with the Corn. The Sugar Babies are the biggest ones, but, Klondike and Black Diamonds are getting really long too.
I got around to the back of the house, feeling my way with my feet, and flashed the camera and I caught two bright eyes about 5 foot off the ground. Then I heard a deep growl. I made a hasty retreat. I felt like Bubbles in the trailer park. Oh, no, a Samquanch! I hate those bastards! Duuu. When I studied the blurry picture I could tell Big Foot was actually a fat Raccoon sitting on my air conditioner eating Mulberries. I like the garden at night, but, I admit it's just a little scary. It's really dark and deserted. I need to buy a few solar lights.


The Zinnia's have been piddling for weeks and now they are finally opening in mass. They are the fourth of July flower and they look like fireworks. There's so many colors and shapes. Every day now, I get a surprise from them. And it's nice to be able to show you what I see. Zinnia's are so showy, yet, so easy to grow, they can make any fool look like an expert gardener. I have to remember to water them from the bottom though. Other flowers like a good shower, but, Zinnia's don't. They can get moldy from being wet. Other than that, I think they're unstoppable. This variety is called California Giants. Pretty, huu? They'll continue to bloom vigorously until the first frost.

Then, there's these two ass clowns

Jon and Kate say they are not speaking about their divorce anymore, they will handle it privately and thank us for our support. I never gave you my support, ass licks! You already did a god damn TV episode about your problems and you already fucked each other in the media..so WTF are you trying to pull now? Bitch can't wipe her cellulited ass without a camera on it, give me a break. Stupidity makes my head hurt. WTF are peanut butter Bumpers? Is that shit organic? Did you have a coupon? I'm pretty sure I could shove that box up your box, Kate. They are continuing the non stop filming of the kids while TLC pretends they are on hiatus. Looky loos who just found out about all this fucktardery get to play catch up with The First 10 Years crap while the Gosselins put more episodes of their exploited children in the can. It will never stop. I watched Mommy Dearest last night, Joan wasn't so bad. Poor old Joan, she did her best with that whiny daughter of hers and got posthumously crucified while there are Kate Gosselins out there writing best sellers. Jesus..get the wire hangers out of the house. What'd your mom tell you, stupid? It's not like she filmed the poop being manually extracted from your constipated hiney.

MJ crap

Gawd! Talk about a mess. Now we find out that not only are Michael's children not Debbie Rowe's, but, they aren't biologically Michael's either. I mean, we all pretty much figured MJ wasn't their bio dad, but, who's their mom? So, the two older kids are in the same genetic quandary as poor Blanket. Will they ever find out where they came from? That stuff messes with your head.
Then you can top off this crap fest by giving them to MJ's mom to raise. He left his dad out of the will, for good reason, but, the dude is still with his mom, right? And that means Joe will be raising the kids. It's enough to make you puke. Joe fucked up MJ beyond human endurance and now he's going to get his slimy mitts on Michael's kids. Michael's mom is an old lady, how long will she be around? And is anyone protecting their money? MJ is said to have approximately 200 million after his debt. That's not chump change. When Michael Jackson is broke, it's not the same as when I'm broke.
I can't even imagine the life those kids were leading. My impression was that it was privileged, but, bizarre and now it's going to get worse. I can not imagine another generation being raised by Michael's parents. The whole thing depresses me. Three lost children, orphaned, not knowing who the hell they really are, fights over money that will probably be pissed away and a heaping helping of Joe. This can't end well.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Gardens and heads

There are many spots in my yard which can't be seen unless you get into them. I think a persons mind can easily be compared. There are beautiful things there and some not so nice things. Maybe even some dangerous things. They are all hidden. I make room for myself in the garden spots with little paths and patches where I can squat down and observe. Unobserved observing, that's the key. Plants don't understand boundaries, but, you can gently reposition vines so that they will be happy without killing their neighbors. It was just a thought.

Know what that is?

A stray radish that grew up, unnoticed, through the Tomatos. Until it bloomed it was invisible. It was about 4 feet tall. I pulled it up to see if it had made a radish. It had not. Just an odd telltale beet red root. It was making seed though. Now it's in the compost pile. Curious thing.

Seeing things..

I can tell today will be a better day. I can tell that because I was allowed to fix my energy as soon as I got up. Mornings are a rutual for me and they have to remain that way. I have to be allowed some time to right my energy. I think this ritual is needed and it helps me. It does not matter what anyone else thinks. It should not matter because it is my belief and it should be respected.
And so, for the first time in a week, I was allowed to right myself with no interfearance. I do the usual things humans do when they get up. I pee, brush my teeth, wash my face with Oil Of Old Lady and put on the coffee. I feed my rat her cereal and then I head for the door. Then I sit in a fairly secluded place and watch nature. I do it in all seasons and in the rain or snow. Sometimes I only need a few minutes, today I needed an hour and a half.
I like knowing the plants. Miss Peggy's pink Yarrow sprig is now a mature wonder and I have to observe it to see how it reproduces. Acorn Squash has popped up in the Moonflowers and I puzzled that for awhile. I remembered Lissa broke a squash on the sidewalk for fun. Squash are a great joy to break that way. Some seeds must have bounced into the flowers. I'm leaving them there, I like watching them. The Moonflowers are tall, the Squash are runners, they should get along. The smell of all the Herbs was lovely this morning. There is some Fleabane blooming near the dog house. That's one of natures little jokes. And the Morning Glorys are not blooming, but, they have reached the top of the fence and are violently climbing themselves, twisting back and making their own green pole to climb. I should untangle them, but, I find it bizarre and fascinating how they make what they need.
After the looking and the seeing is ingrained, it is time to align. My eyes close and I concentrate on other senses. There was a slight breeze. This is where my hands come up and somehow know to do something in the air which puts my energy right. I also talk to something. I don't know what it is. I am done talking and moving my energy when I know I am done. It's as simple as that. I feel right. Then I come in, turn on the computer, pour some coffee and my day has started. This is the ritual I need. I desperatly need it and have to do it. I don't hurt anyone with it, it is meant to be a positive thing. It doesn't matter what anyone else believes, they should respect that I need and believe this and let me have it. I am going to have to make this clear somehow. It's such a small thing, why is it so hard to get it?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Crazy stuff

Every time I get mad at my mother my silverware gets fucked up. Spoons, I can bend back a few times, but, I can't fix forks. The tines are all bent. So, I decided to look it up and try to stop doing it. It's called telekinesis and Uri Geller used to be famous for it. Site after site claimed him a fraud and when I went to You Tube, they considered it a parlor trick, a slight of hand magic trick. Well, I don't give a fuck what they think, I want it to stop. I'm constantly buying new forks. It's a pain in my ass.
I got pissed off reading over and over how bending spoons with your mind is bullshit, so I typed in forks. I got this site that had this thing and I liked it. I like the mirrors made like a mosaic with old tea sets. And this one has a bent fork as a towel holder. That's cute. I love the colors. All my forks are bent anyway, I might as well try and make something with 'em. We got some really pretty silver spoon bracelets in the shop this week too. I'm so sick and tired of people telling me telekinesis is not possible when I have a drawer full of bent up silverware you can't even use. It pisses me off. I don't care what people think. And I'll bet there are people on here who can do some form of it too. Anyhow, I was looking for symtoms of extreme rage (ruling out homicide) and I found a craft project. Thought I'd share. I've heard you can bend things with pliers too. Heh. That's probably another myth.

Me, Lis and the hose

Nothin' much to say here. It was fun. Lissa took the pic of me and her, I showed her how. She squirted me with the hose and I told her if she did it again, I'd shut off the water. She did it again, so I shut off the water. She didn't do it in a fit of giggles, like kids do..and she didn't do it for meanness. Sometimes I think she's missing her shut off button. Anyhow, she was mad and I was wet, but, she still had her wading pool out, so she got over it. We made some kick ass mud pies and we were both filthy.
And Miss Peggy, thank you for the bench. It makes a nice place to sit in the shade. And I have something disturbing to write too, I'm putting it in the comments.

Corn Tassles

My corn is making tassels already. I think it's very early for the corn to do that, but, it's alright. I have a couple of farmers I read for and they both asked me if the stored grain should be sold. I usually hate reading on things like that because if I was wrong, it could cost them big money. But, at the end of last Winter and early Spring, the cards read so clear that it would be a kick ass year for crops, perfect rain, perfect weather. That means farmers should sell the contents of their silos because there will be a lot of new grain and they'd get the best price for last years crop right now. I feel good now about saying that..the cards were right. Whew. The farmers are going to have a kick ass year. They deserve it. Farming is not only hard work, but, it's like gambling sometimes. One bad hand and you're fucked. I'm glad no one looks fucked this year. But, the Summer sure isn't over. Still...I think I advised right. The responsibilities of a Tarot reader are crazy, aren't they?

Bean harvest and corn house

Lissa showing off the first bean and playing in the corn house. We got a big kettle full of beautiful beans for her first harvest and she was amazed. She was so proud to take a colander full of nice beans to Great Grandma and Auntie. She has decided green beans are good food. Then she found an old curtain rod in the trash can and copped it. It became her magic sword and the scarecrow was a pirate ghost who had hidden treasure. Vegetables were the treasure and she had a basket to store her stolen stash in. I like those corn pictures, because she didn't know I was watching her play for a long time. She was talking and had this elaborate story line. It was way cool.

I thought of my Grandma and the corn and the sunflowers and the hide outs long gone. Knowing a child and passing things along makes you immortal in a way. My Grandma must have enjoyed these times as much as I did.. and do. She must have loved me very much.

Faces in the dark

Last night I decided to use my new camera for the first night shots. I had some artsy fartsy idea in my head about a pretty child chasing lighting bugs through the Hostas. It didn't happen. Oh, there was plenty of lightening bug chasing with a bug cage and smashed Hostas and sreeching, laughing and total chaos. But, lightening bugs don't pose and neither does Lissa. I got frustrated and said "Why can't you let me take one good picture, ever? I don't get it." She stopped and said, FINE. Then she posed for the first time in her life. You can bet I took advantage of her change of heart. She became a total ham and mugged for me, urging me on until I had a 100 pictures of her ranging from pretty to crossing her legs to keep from peeing herself with laughter. I finally said, that's enough, you big hambone. "No, do more!!" I asked her, what are you going to do with all these pictures of yourself? She said, when I get big, I will send them to my boyfriend. She makes me laugh. That's a good plan.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Sorting the Turnips

Maybe I should have used Cabbages as a euphemism, since Cabbages have heads and mine range from beautiful to deformed, to totally destroyed this year, but, anyway..I was looking at websites about different mental illness's and personality disorders. If I can figure out my family, I may stand a small chance of dealing with them in a better way. The trouble is, there's so many of them, and they're all crazy in different ways. Since I was raised by this pack of idiots, it stand to reason that I am terribly flawed too. But, I recognize my own problems..social disorder, reclusiveness, inner rage. My problems are not hidden. At least, I don't think so. I think the time has come to find out more about mental problems and psychological disorders.
Can you guys find the time to tell me some things on here? Maybe something will strike a chord with me and I'll be able to read more about it. I know there are some of you who have family members (by blood or marriage) that have serious mental disorders. I don't care if it's guessing or an actual diagnosis. Can you tell me a bit about the person you deal with and what kind of symptoms manifest? How does it affect you and how do you deal with it?

Crane Fly

That's a Crane Fly, the photo is actual size. That thing is on here because last night they were on me. They look like a giant Mosquito. They are not uncommon, every Summer I see them, but, this year they're thick. If I open the door at night, a few of them always come inside and I have to chase them down or the thought of them in here adds to my insomnia. I can imagine laying there and nodding off and my flesh imploding and crumpling inward as they suck my blood. And yet, for some reason, I knew that was wrong.
They hang out in the flower beds. I had a minuscule moment last night when a weary brain cell kicked in and that fact came to me. They don't hang out in the garden. Only with the flowers. Curious. I started typing in descriptive words until I found them. Crane Fly..does not bite. Only eats nectar. Hmm. So that's why they like the bloomers. That's just great. Now I'll feel sorry for them, trapped in here.
Photo by Drees.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Okay, Nina, I'm giving it a go here

There's a real towhead. I'm surprised at how much I still look like that kid. That's a portrait of a child that knew way too much. I grew up in a community ruled by women. Some of them smart, but, ruthless, some of them beat down and dumber than dirt. None of them had any education and little opportunities. What they had was an instinct for survival. My mother had sisters. All of the sisters always lived and traveled together with their respective families. We lived many places but, mostly up and down the coastline between California and Oregon. In these places, are lush valleys where gypsies can pick fruit. Sometimes we lived in share cropper shacks, sometimes trailers, even a chicken shed once, sometimes we lived in the cars. Sometimes we'd find an abandoned mansion that held us all under one roof. Free, because it had no plumbing or electric. Those women could make a cozy camp any place. They could make do.
Men played a role too, men were deemed necessary by the women. A woman had to have a husband, that's the way it was. A single woman was a sorry and pitiful thing. But, the men in our family were all drunks, drug addicts, gamblers, criminals and worse. Only the women raised children, brought home the bacon and did anything domestic. That went without question, it was an accepted fact. The men's job was to tinker with motors, drive the caravans to the next location and mow any lawns, should we be fortunate enough to find a place with a lawn. Thier job description must have also included getting inebriated on a regular basis and inflicting fear and violence, yet, providing comedy relief when they weren't homicidal. Their behavior also gave the women something to cry about. Drama was a boredom reliever. That, and country music. Oh, things would go alright for a week, maybe a month, but, then life would throw some shit, as it's a might to do, and then, look out. Fights would break out and a woman might have to dye her kid's hair (I guess drunk men can't recognize their offspring with different hair) and take to the road. All the sisters would follow, leading the caravan of beat up vehicles back to Grandma's house in Iowa to hide out and get a divorce once and for all.
Then there would come the "makin' up" as which ever daddy had committed the unspeakable acts found his spouse and begged for forgiveness. (Usually it was mine.) There'd be more fights and threats of suicide and drunken brawls complete with gunfire. Usually him, sometimes her. There were kidnappings and fiddle playing. When you broke out a fiddle or a romantic guitar after a week of fighting, things changed. Maybe they were just worn out and needed a rest. Those were known as good times and women forgave, kids were packed up and everybody hit the road again. Sometimes Grandma closed up her house and packed up her Bible and medicinal herbs and joined the gang. Us kids all liked it when that happened because Grandma always had food and she never hit us. She didn't make us work too hard either. The way Grandma figured it, a kid shouldn't put in more than a half a days labor. At least until they reached the ripe old age of 10. With Grandma around, sometimes we stayed in one place long enough to register for school.
We got most of our school clothes at the dump. People throw out good things. We also got chickens from the dump. Grandma always had chickens for fresh meat and eggs...and company. It's a little known fact that chickens can be great company. Chickens take 21 days to hatch ( see how I still remember that?) and if the eggs didn't hatch on time, the factories would throw them out. Baby chickens would hatch in the garbage and be running and pecking all over that dump. A good childhood memory is catching boxes of baby chickens with Grandma to take home and raise. You can't do that anymore. Factories pour chemicals all over the eggs now to kill the late hatchers. No more free chickens. I also remember shooting rats at the dump. It was good practice even though I felt sorry for the rats. But, rats could get in the house and they got mean. Everybody had a rat bite story. One time I left the loaded rifle laying out, I knew better, but, I was only seven, anyhow, Dad came home on a bender and got into it with an Uncle over a gambling debt and Dad ended up shooting Uncle in the leg. It wasn't so bad though, it was a wooden leg. I sure enough took a whippin' for that one. Wooden legs are expensive. His wife had to use up half her welfare check the next month to get him another one and I learned my lesson. Kids have to learn things the hard way sometimes.

Is this the kind of stuff you want to read, Nina? It's dark and weird, but, it is the truth. I don't know if I have a book in me, or if this is just nonsense.

Time waster

There's a whole bunch of these, just go to You Tube and type in Jon and Kate Plus 8 Ugly Moments. It's all the ugly stuff on the show. They included the endless product placements the whores shove in your face and gumgate, Joel gate, cupcake gate, Kate hitting Jon, nasty fights, insults..all of it. A lot of lies are revealed as they say one thing and in the next episode they claim the opposite. It's mostly Kate, of course. In this one, Jon explains how Collin is shy and can't poop in front of people while Kate makes icky faces. The poor kid was sitting on a toilet out in a driveway with a camera crew in his face. Insane.

Peas, lettuce and old ladies

Peas climbing the fence and blossoming. I like the tendrils which wrap and wrap around the wire and cling to it much like Kate Gosselin clings to freebies. Speaking of freebies...that's something my family has in common with gimmie gimmie Kate. If it's free, they want it. It doesn't matter what it is, or even if they don't know what it is..if it's free, they want it. They want a dozen of it. Especially if it's free from the government. I live in Guntown where government groceries are considered legal tender.
I got up today with the idea that I'd have a whole day alone. I don't know where I get off with these crazy ideas. Really, I don't. I was still in my nightgown when Mom came over here and I took one look at her and I knew. She had her goin' to town polyester on and her purse over her arm. The old ladies had to have me run them to the senior citizens center because they were giving away free coupons for the farmers market. It's some free government program to help old people eat better. Key word being FREE. Never mind that they don't really need it. Never mind that they get pissed off every time they go down there. Jesus christ. It's already hotter than a truck stop grill and my coffee wasn't even perked yet. I know when I'm fucked though, there's no fighting it.
I got dressed, bid a fond farewell to the coffee and went. It takes forever to get them both in the car. Driving Miss Crazy old geezers. Aunt Ruth had to describe everything in the backseat in detail. Like I've never seen my backseat. Mom said my car was dirty. She pulled out a handy wipe and swiped at the dust. Have I ever told you about her house?? It's like, shut the fuck up and go clean your cockroach den, but, of course I can't say that. If they could read minds, I'd be in trouble.
And they think they're real funny. Corny shit early in the morning with no coffee or even a cigarette. "Remember that funny drunk old man that used to stagger down the middle of this here street shooting his gun at everyone? Bawww, har har." (That was dad, and every man in our family.) They said I have no sense of humor and don't know what fun is.
They finally got their free government coupons (and got pissed off as usual by paperwork and lines)..I was a sweltering mess. So I asked them, what the fuck can you get at the farmers market free that you can't get out of my garden free? What? I really want to know. They had no answer to that. I'm obviously crazy and it's FREE. Free from the government. You know what they got? Lettuce. By God, garden lettuce is good. Free garden lettuce from a government program. I have twenty feet of the most beautiful lettuce you ever saw here. Three different kinds. Last night I picked and cleaned two grocery bags full of it for them. I told them they need to go pick lettuce anytime. I also planted them a kitchen garden. 10 feet outside their backdoor is more perfect lettuce going to waste. Fuck my lettuce, fuck their lettuce, they want free government lettuce. The government has screwed them all their lives so the government owes them old wilted lettuce and, by God they're going to have it. Free.
It is now 11:30 am and I am finally back home. They are over there happy as pigs in shit. They screwed the government. Aint it grand?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Good grief!

It's been three days since I've been in the garden or even glanced at it. I've been busy with people. We have out of town relatives (my mom is giving unannounced tours of my house, stfu), there was Lissy's birthday and work has been busy too. I've been on people overload. Today was the first day I could get out there and I waited until 6 pm because the heat is bruuuuuuuuuuuuutal.
Geez Louise..look at that! The corn is almost as tall as me and now blocks out the neighbors (ha) but, wow, I planted a lot of corn. Geesh. The sunflowers are 7' high. There's small Zuhcini's laying eveywhere. The watermelons have gone insane and now have developed 15' foot runners. Onions are the size of my fist. Tomato's are so abundant they're weighting down the plants. Spinich has gone to seed. I have to go deal with this. I have to get out there and harvest some of it and water. This will only be the second time I've had to water it. Not so bad, I guess, but, it takes a lot of hose. Pain in the ass.
I hate the sun. I hate it. The garden has some real weeds now too, but, I figure it will be okay. The veggies have a good head start. Aggg! I have to move all my potted herbs to the shade too or lose them. Isn't it astounding what the garden can do in three lousy days??

Widow's weeds?

What's a poor approaching middle aged shrew supposed to do when her husband dumps her and she has to have some privacy to deal with the pain? Kate puts on her free boo hoo bikini, you know, the one that's too small for her multiple litter bearing ass and she struts in to the line of paparazzi making sure the world gets a better look at her bacon shaker. Would that be organic bacon, Kate? That made me gag. Not even kidding. Why does she keep doing this??

Deaths in Hollywood

I was sad to hear Farrah Fawcett died. She fought a good fight, got her documentary finshed and she will be missed. Farrah was talented and sweet and I don't know anyone who didn't like her. Rest in peace, Farrah.

But, crabbie just alerted us that Michael Jackson is dead too. I don't know how I feel about that. Not many people had a dysfunctional childhood like Michael's and I'd cut him some slack, but, I have to wonder how many children MJ screwed up. I just don't know what to say without sounding mean, and I don't feel mean today. Rest in peace, Michael, if you can. I really hope his children will be okay.

Roxanne's Garden

I love it when people send me garden photos, I get great ideas and they're just nice to look at. This garden spot is very pretty and peaceful. Cute dog there. I like paying homage to the elements in my garden, so water is important. I'm a water sign, the Slyphs rule, you know. Heh. I love that fountain. But, fountains always make me have to pee. Do they do that to anyone else? So I use still water in my gardens, but, I do love fountains in other peoples gardens. I see Coreopsis, Day Lilies, Sedum, I think Cosmos getting ready, Allum and lots of pretties. I love the blues and yellows together. What's the blue flower in front there, Roxeanne? I can't quite tell, but, that's gorgeous. I love the rocks too. Rocks are important in gardens. Stones hold their own kind of magic and energy. I wonder if you've seen toads living in there? I love toads.

Reading for a witch

I've never talked much about what I do on here. I don't know that I put much faith in psychics or mediums or fortune telling..I do know people find it entertaining and that is what it should be. I don't think I have any more ability than anyone else..what I DO have is the balls to say whatever pops into my head when reading the Tarot for people. Here's a factoid. I have a motor neuron problem, I won't go into details, but, my brain has found ways to reroute itself. No one knows what the new pathways my brain found are for or what exactly is being tweaked in there. I always say I'm just crazy and if someone pays me to hear it, hey, it's their choice. Anyway, I've always been like this and now I can make a living from it. Pretty cool, huu?
So, this post isn't about my abilities..it's about a woman I met who is seriously powerful. Or crazier than me. Take your pick. She came into the shop yesterday. I was in the back and there's a bell on the front door. I heard it and the whole atmosphere of the place changed for me. The air became charged with some kind of energy I didn't recognize. She came back to my area for a reading, like I knew she would, and the energy pouring off this woman was incredible. I have this weird deal where I see energy around people, and colors. I call it auras, for lack of a better word. It could be brain damage, I'm not ruling that out, but, the fact is..I see it.
She was a pretty woman, Asian, with a bright open face..someone I knew I would like. I invited her to sit, went through the formalities and then asked her what she wanted to know. She said "I have this thing." It wasn't a question. It didn't need to be. I could see her "thing." I said, cripes, you should be reading my cards. I knew about the "thing." Hell, it was all over her. It was pouring out of her finger tips as she moved her hands in the air. This was powerful JuJu. I don't see people like that often and I'd never seen her kind of "thing." She gave it to me in my head with no real words. I knew her thing was causing her fear, I knew she wanted it gone. I knew she'd never get rid of it and had to learn to accept it because it would grow stronger after menopause. I knew it came from mitochondrial DNA, passed from her mother and her mother's mother, and so on. It also came from the ancestral land. I knew her mother was begging her to come back to the land and commune with the spirits and learn. I knew she must listen to her mother. All this was given to me with no words. She told me I was right about all of it and I had satisfied her. I said it's not my power, it's yours. She gave it to me. There was much more, but, I'll spare you. It affected me, that's what I'm trying to say.
Some people amaze me. Asian magic is frighteningly strong and so very curious and mysterious. I told her she is a reluctant witch and she says that's exactly what she calls herself. We had a few laughs after the reading and shared stories. It was fun, but, I would NEVER want to piss off that woman. Powerful JuJu there. These people walk amongst us, most of the time they go unnoticed. But, they are there. Keep your eyes and mind open.

Worshipping fools

I have now crossed some line in my blog where I'm getting very personal. When you do that it's scary, because you open yourself up for major fire. I have admitted that I have a very dysfunctional family. I wonder..isn't it better to admit things, get advice and encouragement from others and make your situation better than to lie and be the real fool? I think it is. That brings me to Gosselin fans and the Gosselin's themselves.
We all know what the G's motivation is..money. But, what about their die hard fans? What possible positive things can come out of worshipping people you know in your heart are wrong? I won't mention the biggest Gosselin fan by name, you all know who I'm talking about..and her followers. Why make up this big lie about who you are and what a perfect family you have when your main goal in life is to follow two slackers who sold their kids? To mold your life around THAT family is a set up for a big fall. And possible jail time. The G's are the worst kind of parents because every bad thing they've done was done deliberately for money with no regard to their kids. Why would anyone worship them and try to be like them?
Wouldn't their fans be better off to admit they made the biggest mistake in their life and try and change things? Some people can never admit they're wrong, or maybe they don't have the brain power to see the wrong. It's a sad and evil thing when people think the Gosselin's have some magic formula for raising the perfect family in light of everything that's come out. You'd think they could finally see the error of their ways, but, that's not happening. Fans still worship them and make excuses for their behavior. And somewhere out there, there are a lot of kids who are going to pay for that. The Gosselin's and their fans make my family look like they might have some hope.

Thoughts for the day...staying sane

I like the faces..I like the look of dismay when she unwraps a doll and the pure joy when the package turns out to be Pixar licensed crap...cars! Lis is old enough to talk to me now, she uses words that are too grown up and has some very deep thoughts and questions for a 5 year old. Sometimes that can make me sad, but, sort of proud too. She's basically a happy kid, but, she has her little troubles. And anyone involved with her has to understand that.
Which brings me to a certain person. And my feelings about that. She's had to find what she needs and what she needed was a daddy. She was devastated when her father died. It's been over a year and in kid time, that's an eternity. Her mother lives with this guy, I'll just call him A. She was living with A for about 6 months when Eric died. Eric always had Lissa two days a week and stopped in to see her on other days. This whole family, on my side, had certain days with her. I'm not going to lie on here and say my son was father of the year. He didn't seem to know what to do with babies. I doubt he changed more than a dozen diapers in her life. What he WAS good at, was making her feel special. Being very patient for short periods of time. He would sit her on his lap and talk to her and she'd sit there quietly staring up at him and listening to him for hours. Eric was a musician, he always had a guitar in his hands. She loved that part of him, she kind of worshipped him and he, in his own way, felt and showed her the same.
Now Eric's gone and putting aside my own horror at that fact, I have to accept that Lissa kind of chooses her own relationships. She's not the kind of kid who would accept some guy into her life just because her mom chose him. Actually, she could make someone's life Hell if she didn't like them. She likes A, she's grown to care about him. A has his own problems, he's bi-polar and sometimes it gets bad when he doesn't take his meds. I don't know much about bi-polar people. Sometimes he and my ex DIL fight so bad it gets violent and the cops are called in. I try to stay out of that. If my DIL calls and says Lissa needs a safe place to be, I say "bring her." I don't care if it's 3 in the morning. No questions asked. The thing is..I know this stuff sounds really bad..I do..but, I have never felt Lissa is not safe with A. There are certain things I know, I can look in someone's eyes sometimes, or look at their aura and I just know. Sometimes Lis needs a place where she's safe from their loud voices and grown up bullshit. I have never once felt she needs to be safe from A. He's really good with her and if he wasn't, she'd tell me. She tells me everything. And I listen to every word.
About a month ago, she called him Daddy in front of me. She did it with determination and a certain defiance. She expected me to get mad. But, I know her, it was her way of telling me her decision and that decision was final. I guess she decided what she needed and found it. I have to handle that. I handled it by going into the bathroom and shutting the door and thinking things out before I talked to her. When I came out, we talked and I told her it was fine with me. She said she knows Eric is her real daddy, but, A is now "other daddy." She says A takes her swimming, babysits her sometimes, plays video games with her and teaches her how to play football. When I look in his eyes, I can see a sweet person in there and I can accept this. I appreciate that he's decent to her and seems to have feelings for her.
So, I'm hoping her mom and A can work out all their crazy problems and become a real family. I don't know if it's going to be a reality though and I worry for the kid. A and DIL seem to aggravate each others volatile qualities at times. And I get pissed off sometimes because I am forced to deal with these two grown ups that I would never in a million years hang out with..but, now I have to deal with them. For the rest of my life. Or, until Liss grows up. Life throws some major shit at you sometimes, that's true. It's hard to watch when a child is ducking the shit storm though. It's unfair and pisses me off.