This blog is so done

I am moving back to the Dirty Disher blog. This garden blog has been randomly chosen by blogger as some asshole experiment in which the blog owner is given a random cookie about 8 inches long. It shuts off the site for me and I can't view it. It knocks off my whole screen. I've been fighting it for a long time and going throught the Disher site to post. Blogger doesn't give a shit and doesn't care that me and other people are being fucked with. I 'm glad I didn't delete the old site. If I didn't have a place to bitch I would die. Damn, though, I am so sorry to do this to you guys, I know it's a real pain in your ass, but, I can't see you or respond to you, so it's my only choice. I guess I'll always be the Dirty Disher. Click HERE.

Oh, and don't respond to anymore posts on here, it's just to hard for me to see them. Again..I am so sorry. Man, this is frustrating, but, I can't fix blogger. Only they can and they don't care. P.S. If I don't accept their evil cookie, I can't log in at all.

Birth control and stupid people

That idoit Heidi Montag is talking again, that's one bitch you can't even accuse of being young-dumb because she won't get any smarter than she is right now and right now she's so dumb she should kill herself. Let me paste in a sample..
*
Heidi Dumbfuck quote: "I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they'd never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it's just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.
*
Forget the goofy conspiracy theory, does anyone else on here remember when there was no birth control?? I do. I grew up in that weird time in history when the evolution off all things pertaining to women were taboo. That's right, half the population didn't count. Oh, they had the vote, but, no one I knew used it. They raised the kids, but, none of them knew how. Every product aimed at women was supposed to make you more beautiful to men. And female problems of a biological nature were certainly not attractive to men and therefore not talked about in the mainstream.
*
Can I imagine a Kotex or god forbid a tampax, commercial in 1960? Are you fucking kidding? No. The men who controlled the media would have literally shit their pants if vaginal blood was hinted at on their televisions. They'd just become liberated enough to stick those ads in the backs of women's magazines with a picture of a smiling freckled blond on the beach who had a secret. She could swim every day of the month! Wowzah. All things female were hidden.
*
It got a little better in the 70's, which is when I came of age (18) but, things weren't open yet, they were progressing, but, not openly discussed. By "things" I mean women's issues. Gloria Steinem and others led a women's movement. A bunch of us in Iowa got drunk and burned our bras outside the Legion hall. The men eventually forgave us. All that stuff really meant to me was that birth control became available. Up until then it was hit or miss, pure luck. Sure, men had condoms. We called them rubber and talk about things like rubbers made the older women sweat and run to church dragging sinner teenagers with them. Rubbers were something truckers had. They had secret rubber machines in the bathrooms of truck stops. There sure as hell weren't any rubber machines where I lived. So unless you slept with a trucker, you were pretty much screwed. No pun intended. Just about every girl I knew either got married at 16 to avoid giving birth out of wedlock, or like me, they had a kid to raise on their own. That's just the way it was. We didn't think we were a sorry lot. And we didn't spend much time crying over lost childhoods.
*
When the birth control pill finally became available, it was the finest day in hick town history. That would have been in the early 70's. But, you know what? WE still couldn't get it. Nope. By we, I mean unmarried girls like me who already had a child to support alone. Oh, no, the sanctimonious elders of the town and churches wouldn't allow it. It was promoting sin. We devised plans where our married girl friends would get the pills for us. Or we went out of town and made up elaborate stories and fake married names. It was fucking horrible and awesome at the same time. To have that little round disc of pills in your hand was such a relief. Imagine planning your own future! Something women take for granted today. You can not imagine how liberated that felt. We were people! We mattered and we had choices! OMFG!
*
Now idiots like Heidi who never lived through that time have to talk out their ass. We knew the health risks, they were right on the package. Doesn't that dumb bitch realize women would rather face blood clots, cancer, sterilization and everything else than have no choices?? Doesn't she realize how many women died, bleeding to death from shoving coat hangers up inside themselves JUST because they wanted a choice? I think living in poverty and abuse with no money and a pack of kids to support is a wee bit more "demoralizing" and "depressing" than birth control. Suicide was the only way out. You women out there who are too young to remember this time, well, I hope you read about it and keep making a difference. Don't ever let that time happen again. Make women important, fight for what you deserve. And if you see Heidi Montag..kick her in the face. The world is definitely over populated with her in it.

Gold Rush, home again

That's Gold Rush Squash. It's basically a yellow Zucchini. I've never grown it before, but, if I had known how pretty it is, I would have. Squash are all pretty, but, Gold Rush has variegated leaves splotched with silver that glow in the day or night. They're huge too. I came home early because it's gone hot again. If the air conditioner doesn't get turned on early in that cavernous old building, it's just too hot for me. It wasn't busy anyway. And I knew it wouldn't be. Sometimes I have boring days at work. You wouldn't think that, I mean, if you're a so called psychic Tarot reader you'd think it's all exciting. But, it's not. Some days it's as mundane as file work. Another thing people think is that I get a ton of crazies and that's not true. I have a few, but, most people are really nice, sane, intelligent and normal. People enjoy hearing things about themselves, that's what they have in common. Many of them listen to other people all day in their chosen field and they don't mind paying to sit and talk about ...them. They also know I keep their secrets, that's really important if you decide to read some one's Tarot. Then I come here, which is where I talk. It works out. I've been thinking about designing a Tarot deck based on my garden. There are many many Tarots, the Aquarian is the one I use at work, but, I have lots of others. The Aleister Crowley deck is creepy, I keep it locked up. But, anyway, a garden Tarot might be really cool. I'd have to think a lot because the Tarot incorporates so many ideas. I find astrological stuff, elementals, numerology and many other things in the cards. Maybe I couldn't do it..make my own deck..I don't know. It's much more than pretty pictures, that's for sure.

Double bullshit, side of cankles, hold the plagiarisms

KuntFace's crook book is on hold. The publisher, Zondervan has finally realized this crook book is a potential shit storm of legal problem and bad timing. "Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories" has been shit canned. Kate's is busy stealing..err, inventing new recipes. Love is in the mix, what a fucked up title, since we've all seen that her kids are served nothing but scraps on paper plates and she not even nice about it. Meals in the Gosselin house may not be given at all if you aren't compliant with Kate and her camera crew. That bitch has never cooked anything in her worthless life. Why would anyone waste money on her crook book when you can read it off a cereal package or an old Redbook from the 70's? Oh, the same reason her retarded sheeple buy her book about raising children when they know she hates kids and is never home. The only memories her kids are going to have are the kind that send you into intensive therapy. Or prison. Get busy, Kate, you need to write another book on things you don't do.

How about we write her some recipes here. Go ahead, give it a try.

Nice evening....sort of

It's nice at night...I can't bitch about the flowers, that's for sure. That old ugly shed foundation is no longer an eyesore and looks like it was always a flower bed. I can't claim the night as my own right now, because of the weather and the Fourth Of July coming up, everyone and their multitudes of dogs are out there. They're drinking and fighting and having barbeque's, and kid parties with trampolines and firecrackers. There's a constant party in the streets. I might as well suck it up and let them have their fun. I hate to say it, but, I wish it would storm. Then they'd let me have some peace. Ah well, it will be over soon and they will return to their TV sets and let me have the night back.

Signs of the day

When I got up, the Sunflowers were greeting me. They are just starting to open, and I love how they rise out of themselves. They did this overnight and I found it amazing for some dumb reason. That one is a volunteer that fell out of the bird feeder. How does a Sunflower bloom under a pine tree? The wind must be it's friend, blowing the tree limbs out of it's way long enough for it to do it's Sunflower thing. The Zucchini in a pot had a beautiful giant flower on it. So pretty. A nice thing to greet me at the door. Squash flowers only last a day, but, there are new ones every day. They are just as beautiful and bigger than any landscaped plant.

*
I tried to do my "righting the energy" thing, but, fuck me. Mom came out with her dog on a leash and let the dog pee right under the chair I was sitting in. We have a lot of yard and I just mowed it. Why she does this is beyond me. She also lets her dog poop in my flowers and laughs when I bitch because the dog only weighs 3 pounds. Poop is poop to me and I'm the only one who cleans it up. I may be weird, but, there is no way I can have a cup of coffee out there knowing there's a dog turd anywhere on the place. I don't care if it is a 1 inch turd, it's still a turd. If there was no other place convenient, I wouldn't bitch so much, but, we have tons of space. Get your dog out of my face in the mornings.

*
I ignored her and went inside until she left. Then I went back out and some city moron is blowing the Tornado siren. The dogs all went crazy, all 150 of them. I guess he thinks with his dick and believes he's real important because he works for the city and gets to push the siren buttons and do tests on them. I wish he knew how ignorant and worthless I think he is. When there's a real Tornado, those guys piss themselves and no one runs for the siren.

*
Still...I'm not pissed off, so it will be a fair day. The weather is still nice. I won't be sweating to death at work. If it's a good day, I'm going to stop at the nursery after work and blow some bucks. Now is the time to plant Perennials for next year. Maybe I can find something different and exotic. Then again, maybe I should stick to what I know and avoid disappointment. Naa, that's no fun.

Echinacea..medicinal

I have a lot of Echinacea, or Purple Cone Flowers. They were here when I moved in and they grow wild here in abundance. I don't think they were planted by anyone, anyway, they're real good for a headache. I make a tea from the petals. They don't taste bad, but, they don't taste great, so I throw in a regular teabag and then they just taste like tea. Echinacea has a relaxing quality, on me anyway. It's a good antibiotic too and it's the only thing I've found that works on dry socket after a bad dental visit. I can drink a lot of it, but, you can start with a few petals and see how you like it. It sure won't hurt you and it's easy to identify. It's also used to relieve urinary tract infections. You can dry it, but, you don't have to.

Crazy Cosmos

This Iowa jungle weather had produced some strange Cosmos. They are all 5-6 feet tall. I have them in several spots and they are just starting to bloom. Sorry, the wind blew a plastic bag in there, I should have taken the picture after I took it out..anyway, the Cosmo foliage is particularly pleasing to me. It's so airy and lacy. I made wallpaper out of it. I'd plant these even if they didn't bloom.

Kick ass vine

This is that Silver Clematis vine I posted about before. Look how it's filled in. It grows over last years growth and makes a sort of insulation that helps block out noise. It's pretty crazy and was totally worth the effort it took to dig it up. When it blooms, I'll post it again, because it's pretty. But, if you're looking for a plant for privacy, this is it. You can click the pic to really see how thick and heavy it gets. There's no way anyone can see through that.

The most glorious day in the history of Iowa

Today really was a gorgeous day, whatever problems blogger had, well, I wasn't paying much attention anyway. I spent most of the day outside. This kind of day is extremely rare. Not only did no one fuck with me (I know! That's a first) but, the weather was beeeeeeeeeautiful. The temp stayed around 78 and a breeze blew. We NEVER have that in Iowa! This is a region of extremes, it's really a horrible place if you like being outside. But, not today. I haven't seen a day this perfect in years. It reminded me of the Summers of childhood. The air smelled like flowers and everything is lush and mysterious and blooming. I sat in the side yard in the afternoon and just watched the light change and play tag in the trees. Every once in awhile a neighborhood kid set off a firecracker, the dogs would bark and instead of being annoying, it was sweet. I found some Tomato's I grew from seeds over by Mom's fence. I planted them really late, like a month ago, and they are now 4 foot tall. Kind of skinny from being smothered in the weeds, but, I pulled the Lambs Quarter and Ragweed and tied them. I found some cucumbers growing up an old swing, nearly covering it. They look pretty cool. It was a pack of seeds I'd given Lissa. I like giving kids seeds and seeing where they come up. It's like a surprise in July. It's too bad I have that old clothes line, huu? I don't think I'll be invited to be in House and Garden. That's okay, they don't do my laundry. Sometimes I take photos of my laundry. Is that weird? I collect '50's linens and I use them. So, they look cool hanging out there. At least to me. Sigh. What a perfect day. If people would leave me alone, I could love it here. I just checked Yahoo and we are supposed to have another perfect day tomorrow. It's too much to hope for. I may die of happiness.

Feeding my head

I'd forgotten how good it is to go free organic grocery shopping in your own backyard. It rocks! There's dinner. Some Turnips and Green Beans which I cooked up together and I added some new Potato's from Joey's garden. The spuds were those perfect little pink ones that you don't even need to peel. To the pot I added Garlic Whistles, new Onions and tops, Rosemary, salt, pepper and real butter. I made a salad and had some good bread and that was the whole dinner. I had a chicken breast to steam, but, I threw it in the freezer..THIS stuff is what I wanted. Man, it was good too. I'm now picking beans every other day and everything else is abundant except Tomatos. I'm only getting one or two a day right now, the rest stay stubbornly green. I did get handfull of Cherry Tomatos, but, somehow those didn't make it into the house. Gowd, I love those things. Wish you'd all been here, there sure is plenty. Can't wait until the Corn comes on.

Neverland scares me

So, I just read that Michael's funeral is going to be at his beloved Neverland Ranch. The last pics I saw of Neverland showed a neglected castle, the landscaping deteriorated to weeds and the rusted carnival rides silent and still. His zoo is long gone. Did someone fix the place up? Even if they did, it's scary. It was scary before MJ died. The old palace where the crazy king of pop indulged in his Peter Pan fantasies. I know there are some people who loved him and think he didn't do the things he was accused of, and that's your right, but, I think he did. I think he was messes up and I'd have great sympathy for him if what he did didn't involve kids. Michael was messed with..bad. And adults that were messed with can go two ways. They mess with other kids or they have a rage for people who mess with kids. I don't know what went on in his head, but, Neverland is a bad place. You couldn't pay me his checking account interest for a night to sleep there alone. Yes, he was a genius, he was one crazy messed up dude though and that place is a bad bad place. I wonder if he'll be there? Eternally moon walking the desolate halls? I have Beat It stuck in my head thanks to all the news. Bitch. I'm more of a Billy Jean chick.

*
I'm pissed at blogger. It doesn't seem to be working with IE. I have to go to Disher to log on to get here. Isn't that stupid? I'm having trouble viewing this page. I can view everything else on the net as usual. Blogger's up to some shit, as usual.

Samsquanch

I amused myself by walking around the yard last night taking pictures. I have no yard light, don't even have a porch light and it's pretty wild out there. That top one is a Cantelope blossom. Not very showy, is it? Not like Squash or Pumpkin flowers which kind of blow me away with their size and intense color. Look at the crazy Watermelons making out with the Corn. The Sugar Babies are the biggest ones, but, Klondike and Black Diamonds are getting really long too.

*
I got around to the back of the house, feeling my way with my feet, and flashed the camera and I caught two bright eyes about 5 foot off the ground. Then I heard a deep growl. I made a hasty retreat. I felt like Bubbles in the trailer park. Oh, no, a Samquanch! I hate those bastards! Duuu. When I studied the blurry picture I could tell Big Foot was actually a fat Raccoon sitting on my air conditioner eating Mulberries. I like the garden at night, but, I admit it's just a little scary. It's really dark and deserted. I need to buy a few solar lights.

Zinnia's

The Zinnia's have been piddling for weeks and now they are finally opening in mass. They are the fourth of July flower and they look like fireworks. There's so many colors and shapes. Every day now, I get a surprise from them. And it's nice to be able to show you what I see. Zinnia's are so showy, yet, so easy to grow, they can make any fool look like an expert gardener. I have to remember to water them from the bottom though. Other flowers like a good shower, but, Zinnia's don't. They can get moldy from being wet. Other than that, I think they're unstoppable. This variety is called California Giants. Pretty, huu? They'll continue to bloom vigorously until the first frost.

Then, there's these two ass clowns

Jon and Kate say they are not speaking about their divorce anymore, they will handle it privately and thank us for our support. I never gave you my support, ass licks! You already did a god damn TV episode about your problems and you already fucked each other in the media..so WTF are you trying to pull now? Bitch can't wipe her cellulited ass without a camera on it, give me a break. Stupidity makes my head hurt. WTF are peanut butter Bumpers? Is that shit organic? Did you have a coupon? I'm pretty sure I could shove that box up your box, Kate. They are continuing the non stop filming of the kids while TLC pretends they are on hiatus. Looky loos who just found out about all this fucktardery get to play catch up with The First 10 Years crap while the Gosselins put more episodes of their exploited children in the can. It will never stop. I watched Mommy Dearest last night, Joan wasn't so bad. Poor old Joan, she did her best with that whiny daughter of hers and got posthumously crucified while there are Kate Gosselins out there writing best sellers. Jesus..get the wire hangers out of the house. What'd your mom tell you, stupid? It's not like she filmed the poop being manually extracted from your constipated hiney.

MJ crap

Gawd! Talk about a mess. Now we find out that not only are Michael's children not Debbie Rowe's, but, they aren't biologically Michael's either. I mean, we all pretty much figured MJ wasn't their bio dad, but, who's their mom? So, the two older kids are in the same genetic quandary as poor Blanket. Will they ever find out where they came from? That stuff messes with your head.

*
Then you can top off this crap fest by giving them to MJ's mom to raise. He left his dad out of the will, for good reason, but, the dude is still with his mom, right? And that means Joe will be raising the kids. It's enough to make you puke. Joe fucked up MJ beyond human endurance and now he's going to get his slimy mitts on Michael's kids. Michael's mom is an old lady, how long will she be around? And is anyone protecting their money? MJ is said to have approximately 200 million after his debt. That's not chump change. When Michael Jackson is broke, it's not the same as when I'm broke.

*

I can't even imagine the life those kids were leading. My impression was that it was privileged, but, bizarre and now it's going to get worse. I can not imagine another generation being raised by Michael's parents. The whole thing depresses me. Three lost children, orphaned, not knowing who the hell they really are, fights over money that will probably be pissed away and a heaping helping of Joe. This can't end well.

Gardens and heads

There are many spots in my yard which can't be seen unless you get into them. I think a persons mind can easily be compared. There are beautiful things there and some not so nice things. Maybe even some dangerous things. They are all hidden. I make room for myself in the garden spots with little paths and patches where I can squat down and observe. Unobserved observing, that's the key. Plants don't understand boundaries, but, you can gently reposition vines so that they will be happy without killing their neighbors. It was just a thought.

Know what that is?

A stray radish that grew up, unnoticed, through the Tomatos. Until it bloomed it was invisible. It was about 4 feet tall. I pulled it up to see if it had made a radish. It had not. Just an odd telltale beet red root. It was making seed though. Now it's in the compost pile. Curious thing.

Seeing things..

I can tell today will be a better day. I can tell that because I was allowed to fix my energy as soon as I got up. Mornings are a rutual for me and they have to remain that way. I have to be allowed some time to right my energy. I think this ritual is needed and it helps me. It does not matter what anyone else thinks. It should not matter because it is my belief and it should be respected.

*

And so, for the first time in a week, I was allowed to right myself with no interfearance. I do the usual things humans do when they get up. I pee, brush my teeth, wash my face with Oil Of Old Lady and put on the coffee. I feed my rat her cereal and then I head for the door. Then I sit in a fairly secluded place and watch nature. I do it in all seasons and in the rain or snow. Sometimes I only need a few minutes, today I needed an hour and a half.

*
I like knowing the plants. Miss Peggy's pink Yarrow sprig is now a mature wonder and I have to observe it to see how it reproduces. Acorn Squash has popped up in the Moonflowers and I puzzled that for awhile. I remembered Lissa broke a squash on the sidewalk for fun. Squash are a great joy to break that way. Some seeds must have bounced into the flowers. I'm leaving them there, I like watching them. The Moonflowers are tall, the Squash are runners, they should get along. The smell of all the Herbs was lovely this morning. There is some Fleabane blooming near the dog house. That's one of natures little jokes. And the Morning Glorys are not blooming, but, they have reached the top of the fence and are violently climbing themselves, twisting back and making their own green pole to climb. I should untangle them, but, I find it bizarre and fascinating how they make what they need.

*
After the looking and the seeing is ingrained, it is time to align. My eyes close and I concentrate on other senses. There was a slight breeze. This is where my hands come up and somehow know to do something in the air which puts my energy right. I also talk to something. I don't know what it is. I am done talking and moving my energy when I know I am done. It's as simple as that. I feel right. Then I come in, turn on the computer, pour some coffee and my day has started. This is the ritual I need. I desperatly need it and have to do it. I don't hurt anyone with it, it is meant to be a positive thing. It doesn't matter what anyone else believes, they should respect that I need and believe this and let me have it. I am going to have to make this clear somehow. It's such a small thing, why is it so hard to get it?

Crazy stuff

Every time I get mad at my mother my silverware gets fucked up. Spoons, I can bend back a few times, but, I can't fix forks. The tines are all bent. So, I decided to look it up and try to stop doing it. It's called telekinesis and Uri Geller used to be famous for it. Site after site claimed him a fraud and when I went to You Tube, they considered it a parlor trick, a slight of hand magic trick. Well, I don't give a fuck what they think, I want it to stop. I'm constantly buying new forks. It's a pain in my ass.

*
I got pissed off reading over and over how bending spoons with your mind is bullshit, so I typed in forks. I got this site that had this thing and I liked it. I like the mirrors made like a mosaic with old tea sets. And this one has a bent fork as a towel holder. That's cute. I love the colors. All my forks are bent anyway, I might as well try and make something with 'em. We got some really pretty silver spoon bracelets in the shop this week too. I'm so sick and tired of people telling me telekinesis is not possible when I have a drawer full of bent up silverware you can't even use. It pisses me off. I don't care what people think. And I'll bet there are people on here who can do some form of it too. Anyhow, I was looking for symtoms of extreme rage (ruling out homicide) and I found a craft project. Thought I'd share. I've heard you can bend things with pliers too. Heh. That's probably another myth.

Me, Lis and the hose

Nothin' much to say here. It was fun. Lissa took the pic of me and her, I showed her how. She squirted me with the hose and I told her if she did it again, I'd shut off the water. She did it again, so I shut off the water. She didn't do it in a fit of giggles, like kids do..and she didn't do it for meanness. Sometimes I think she's missing her shut off button. Anyhow, she was mad and I was wet, but, she still had her wading pool out, so she got over it. We made some kick ass mud pies and we were both filthy.

*
And Miss Peggy, thank you for the bench. It makes a nice place to sit in the shade. And I have something disturbing to write too, I'm putting it in the comments.

Corn Tassles

My corn is making tassels already. I think it's very early for the corn to do that, but, it's alright. I have a couple of farmers I read for and they both asked me if the stored grain should be sold. I usually hate reading on things like that because if I was wrong, it could cost them big money. But, at the end of last Winter and early Spring, the cards read so clear that it would be a kick ass year for crops, perfect rain, perfect weather. That means farmers should sell the contents of their silos because there will be a lot of new grain and they'd get the best price for last years crop right now. I feel good now about saying that..the cards were right. Whew. The farmers are going to have a kick ass year. They deserve it. Farming is not only hard work, but, it's like gambling sometimes. One bad hand and you're fucked. I'm glad no one looks fucked this year. But, the Summer sure isn't over. Still...I think I advised right. The responsibilities of a Tarot reader are crazy, aren't they?

Bean harvest and corn house

Lissa showing off the first bean and playing in the corn house. We got a big kettle full of beautiful beans for her first harvest and she was amazed. She was so proud to take a colander full of nice beans to Great Grandma and Auntie. She has decided green beans are good food. Then she found an old curtain rod in the trash can and copped it. It became her magic sword and the scarecrow was a pirate ghost who had hidden treasure. Vegetables were the treasure and she had a basket to store her stolen stash in. I like those corn pictures, because she didn't know I was watching her play for a long time. She was talking and had this elaborate story line. It was way cool.

*
I thought of my Grandma and the corn and the sunflowers and the hide outs long gone. Knowing a child and passing things along makes you immortal in a way. My Grandma must have enjoyed these times as much as I did.. and do. She must have loved me very much.

Faces in the dark

Last night I decided to use my new camera for the first night shots. I had some artsy fartsy idea in my head about a pretty child chasing lighting bugs through the Hostas. It didn't happen. Oh, there was plenty of lightening bug chasing with a bug cage and smashed Hostas and sreeching, laughing and total chaos. But, lightening bugs don't pose and neither does Lissa. I got frustrated and said "Why can't you let me take one good picture, ever? I don't get it." She stopped and said, FINE. Then she posed for the first time in her life. You can bet I took advantage of her change of heart. She became a total ham and mugged for me, urging me on until I had a 100 pictures of her ranging from pretty to crossing her legs to keep from peeing herself with laughter. I finally said, that's enough, you big hambone. "No, do more!!" I asked her, what are you going to do with all these pictures of yourself? She said, when I get big, I will send them to my boyfriend. She makes me laugh. That's a good plan.

Sorting the Turnips

Maybe I should have used Cabbages as a euphemism, since Cabbages have heads and mine range from beautiful to deformed, to totally destroyed this year, but, anyway..I was looking at websites about different mental illness's and personality disorders. If I can figure out my family, I may stand a small chance of dealing with them in a better way. The trouble is, there's so many of them, and they're all crazy in different ways. Since I was raised by this pack of idiots, it stand to reason that I am terribly flawed too. But, I recognize my own problems..social disorder, reclusiveness, inner rage. My problems are not hidden. At least, I don't think so. I think the time has come to find out more about mental problems and psychological disorders.
*
Can you guys find the time to tell me some things on here? Maybe something will strike a chord with me and I'll be able to read more about it. I know there are some of you who have family members (by blood or marriage) that have serious mental disorders. I don't care if it's guessing or an actual diagnosis. Can you tell me a bit about the person you deal with and what kind of symptoms manifest? How does it affect you and how do you deal with it?

Crane Fly

That's a Crane Fly, the photo is actual size. That thing is on here because last night they were on me. They look like a giant Mosquito. They are not uncommon, every Summer I see them, but, this year they're thick. If I open the door at night, a few of them always come inside and I have to chase them down or the thought of them in here adds to my insomnia. I can imagine laying there and nodding off and my flesh imploding and crumpling inward as they suck my blood. And yet, for some reason, I knew that was wrong.
*
They hang out in the flower beds. I had a minuscule moment last night when a weary brain cell kicked in and that fact came to me. They don't hang out in the garden. Only with the flowers. Curious. I started typing in descriptive words until I found them. Crane Fly..does not bite. Only eats nectar. Hmm. So that's why they like the bloomers. That's just great. Now I'll feel sorry for them, trapped in here.
*
Photo by Drees.

Okay, Nina, I'm giving it a go here

There's a real towhead. I'm surprised at how much I still look like that kid. That's a portrait of a child that knew way too much. I grew up in a community ruled by women. Some of them smart, but, ruthless, some of them beat down and dumber than dirt. None of them had any education and little opportunities. What they had was an instinct for survival. My mother had sisters. All of the sisters always lived and traveled together with their respective families. We lived many places but, mostly up and down the coastline between California and Oregon. In these places, are lush valleys where gypsies can pick fruit. Sometimes we lived in share cropper shacks, sometimes trailers, even a chicken shed once, sometimes we lived in the cars. Sometimes we'd find an abandoned mansion that held us all under one roof. Free, because it had no plumbing or electric. Those women could make a cozy camp any place. They could make do.
*
Men played a role too, men were deemed necessary by the women. A woman had to have a husband, that's the way it was. A single woman was a sorry and pitiful thing. But, the men in our family were all drunks, drug addicts, gamblers, criminals and worse. Only the women raised children, brought home the bacon and did anything domestic. That went without question, it was an accepted fact. The men's job was to tinker with motors, drive the caravans to the next location and mow any lawns, should we be fortunate enough to find a place with a lawn. Thier job description must have also included getting inebriated on a regular basis and inflicting fear and violence, yet, providing comedy relief when they weren't homicidal. Their behavior also gave the women something to cry about. Drama was a boredom reliever. That, and country music. Oh, things would go alright for a week, maybe a month, but, then life would throw some shit, as it's a might to do, and then, look out. Fights would break out and a woman might have to dye her kid's hair (I guess drunk men can't recognize their offspring with different hair) and take to the road. All the sisters would follow, leading the caravan of beat up vehicles back to Grandma's house in Iowa to hide out and get a divorce once and for all.
*
Then there would come the "makin' up" as which ever daddy had committed the unspeakable acts found his spouse and begged for forgiveness. (Usually it was mine.) There'd be more fights and threats of suicide and drunken brawls complete with gunfire. Usually him, sometimes her. There were kidnappings and fiddle playing. When you broke out a fiddle or a romantic guitar after a week of fighting, things changed. Maybe they were just worn out and needed a rest. Those were known as good times and women forgave, kids were packed up and everybody hit the road again. Sometimes Grandma closed up her house and packed up her Bible and medicinal herbs and joined the gang. Us kids all liked it when that happened because Grandma always had food and she never hit us. She didn't make us work too hard either. The way Grandma figured it, a kid shouldn't put in more than a half a days labor. At least until they reached the ripe old age of 10. With Grandma around, sometimes we stayed in one place long enough to register for school.
*
We got most of our school clothes at the dump. People throw out good things. We also got chickens from the dump. Grandma always had chickens for fresh meat and eggs...and company. It's a little known fact that chickens can be great company. Chickens take 21 days to hatch ( see how I still remember that?) and if the eggs didn't hatch on time, the factories would throw them out. Baby chickens would hatch in the garbage and be running and pecking all over that dump. A good childhood memory is catching boxes of baby chickens with Grandma to take home and raise. You can't do that anymore. Factories pour chemicals all over the eggs now to kill the late hatchers. No more free chickens. I also remember shooting rats at the dump. It was good practice even though I felt sorry for the rats. But, rats could get in the house and they got mean. Everybody had a rat bite story. One time I left the loaded rifle laying out, I knew better, but, I was only seven, anyhow, Dad came home on a bender and got into it with an Uncle over a gambling debt and Dad ended up shooting Uncle in the leg. It wasn't so bad though, it was a wooden leg. I sure enough took a whippin' for that one. Wooden legs are expensive. His wife had to use up half her welfare check the next month to get him another one and I learned my lesson. Kids have to learn things the hard way sometimes.

*****************
Is this the kind of stuff you want to read, Nina? It's dark and weird, but, it is the truth. I don't know if I have a book in me, or if this is just nonsense.

Time waster

There's a whole bunch of these, just go to You Tube and type in Jon and Kate Plus 8 Ugly Moments. It's all the ugly stuff on the show. They included the endless product placements the whores shove in your face and gumgate, Joel gate, cupcake gate, Kate hitting Jon, nasty fights, insults..all of it. A lot of lies are revealed as they say one thing and in the next episode they claim the opposite. It's mostly Kate, of course. In this one, Jon explains how Collin is shy and can't poop in front of people while Kate makes icky faces. The poor kid was sitting on a toilet out in a driveway with a camera crew in his face. Insane.

Peas, lettuce and old ladies

Peas climbing the fence and blossoming. I like the tendrils which wrap and wrap around the wire and cling to it much like Kate Gosselin clings to freebies. Speaking of freebies...that's something my family has in common with gimmie gimmie Kate. If it's free, they want it. It doesn't matter what it is, or even if they don't know what it is..if it's free, they want it. They want a dozen of it. Especially if it's free from the government. I live in Guntown where government groceries are considered legal tender.

*
I got up today with the idea that I'd have a whole day alone. I don't know where I get off with these crazy ideas. Really, I don't. I was still in my nightgown when Mom came over here and I took one look at her and I knew. She had her goin' to town polyester on and her purse over her arm. The old ladies had to have me run them to the senior citizens center because they were giving away free coupons for the farmers market. It's some free government program to help old people eat better. Key word being FREE. Never mind that they don't really need it. Never mind that they get pissed off every time they go down there. Jesus christ. It's already hotter than a truck stop grill and my coffee wasn't even perked yet. I know when I'm fucked though, there's no fighting it.

*
I got dressed, bid a fond farewell to the coffee and went. It takes forever to get them both in the car. Driving Miss Crazy old geezers. Aunt Ruth had to describe everything in the backseat in detail. Like I've never seen my backseat. Mom said my car was dirty. She pulled out a handy wipe and swiped at the dust. Have I ever told you about her house?? It's like, shut the fuck up and go clean your cockroach den, but, of course I can't say that. If they could read minds, I'd be in trouble.

*
And they think they're real funny. Corny shit early in the morning with no coffee or even a cigarette. "Remember that funny drunk old man that used to stagger down the middle of this here street shooting his gun at everyone? Bawww, har har." (That was dad, and every man in our family.) They said I have no sense of humor and don't know what fun is.

*
They finally got their free government coupons (and got pissed off as usual by paperwork and lines)..I was a sweltering mess. So I asked them, what the fuck can you get at the farmers market free that you can't get out of my garden free? What? I really want to know. They had no answer to that. I'm obviously crazy and it's FREE. Free from the government. You know what they got? Lettuce. By God, garden lettuce is good. Free garden lettuce from a government program. I have twenty feet of the most beautiful lettuce you ever saw here. Three different kinds. Last night I picked and cleaned two grocery bags full of it for them. I told them they need to go pick lettuce anytime. I also planted them a kitchen garden. 10 feet outside their backdoor is more perfect lettuce going to waste. Fuck my lettuce, fuck their lettuce, they want free government lettuce. The government has screwed them all their lives so the government owes them old wilted lettuce and, by God they're going to have it. Free.

*
It is now 11:30 am and I am finally back home. They are over there happy as pigs in shit. They screwed the government. Aint it grand?

Good grief!

It's been three days since I've been in the garden or even glanced at it. I've been busy with people. We have out of town relatives (my mom is giving unannounced tours of my house, stfu), there was Lissy's birthday and work has been busy too. I've been on people overload. Today was the first day I could get out there and I waited until 6 pm because the heat is bruuuuuuuuuuuuutal.

*
Geez Louise..look at that! The corn is almost as tall as me and now blocks out the neighbors (ha) but, wow, I planted a lot of corn. Geesh. The sunflowers are 7' high. There's small Zuhcini's laying eveywhere. The watermelons have gone insane and now have developed 15' foot runners. Onions are the size of my fist. Tomato's are so abundant they're weighting down the plants. Spinich has gone to seed. I have to go deal with this. I have to get out there and harvest some of it and water. This will only be the second time I've had to water it. Not so bad, I guess, but, it takes a lot of hose. Pain in the ass.

*
I hate the sun. I hate it. The garden has some real weeds now too, but, I figure it will be okay. The veggies have a good head start. Aggg! I have to move all my potted herbs to the shade too or lose them. Isn't it astounding what the garden can do in three lousy days??