Friday, June 12, 2009

Apparently, I'm a rock collector

My blogging got interrupted by something they call a Kidney Stone attack yesterday. Remember when Chandler had one on Friends? That was funny..in real life? Not so much. I have since become educated on the little boogers. It came right out of the blue with no warning. It was pretty much like being thrown into the last stage of labor with no time to prepare. I had no idea they were that painful. The pain comes and goes too, as the the bastard stones bounce back into your kidneys. I thought maybe it was Appendicitis, I had no clue. I knew I had to get help. So after the pain that had taken me right to my knees subsided a bit, I drove to the emergency room and had myself a little adventure.
*
I collapsed at the entrance. It was really crazy. I felt humiliated to act like such a screaming mess. It is embarrassing, as most medical visits to the ER are, but, the staff assured me later that everyone suffering stones acts that way. I'd always thought Kidney Stones wreck your pee pee hole (that's a medical term, right?) and that's where the pain comes from. Nope. I was uneducated. The real killer pain comes when the stone is dislodged and is making it's way from your Kidney to your Bladder. It goes through this tube and it can bounce back to your Kidney, repeatedly..it acts like ground glass in your organ, tearing your insides to shreds and rendering you a blabbering slobbering mess. Quite attractive.
*
Through my haze, I heard them say "5 units of Morphine"...then 5 more, then 10 more..I don't know how much a unit is, but, I remember the IV line got plugged and I said, cut off my arm and dump a bucket of in there, stat! I added "stat" because I watch House. I got some more "units" after that and it made me stupid, but, didn't help much with the pain.
*
Finally the cat scan showed the stone moved down to the Bladder and the pain eased up. I ended up spending the whole day, hooked up to all kinds of evil looking contraptions in the ER and I never did pass a stone. They finally sent me home yesterday evening with a pee sifter. I have to look for it and it has to be analyzed to see what caused it. It is a very humbling experience to be sifting your own pee.
*
I will tell you this..when nurses are kind, they are very close to becoming a celestial being. I got lucky, there was a kind nurse there. She admitted me, diagnosed me (correctly) and subtly told the doctor how to treat. The doctor on call seemed more interested in fixing the collar on his Hawaiian shirt. This nurse never left my side, explained everything to me, managed my pain as best she was allowed and was, well, amazing. Nurses..man, they know everything. Today I feel bruised inside, battered. But, I feel great compared to yesterday. If you ever think about getting a Kidney Stone, my advice would be..don't. Get a pet rock instead. A great big jagged one and shove it up your ass. I'm pretty sure it would hurt less.

36 comments:

Eric in San Diego said...

Oh wow, Patricia! I am so very sorry about that! Find a way to pamper yourself a little bit, ok? You freakin' deserve it!

I have had both a heart attack and a kidney stone...the stone was 10 times worse! Ok, maybe you can't die from it, but you sure feel like you're gonna! I have never experienced pain like that...not broken bones, lacerated kidneys, broken ribs...NOTHING. Rest easy, ok?

iambriezy said...

I followed Crabbie and found you. Now I check your blog every day...always makes me laugh. Love this post! Sorry you had to experience so much pain. But hey...at least it made for a great story, right? I think I'll pass on your pet rock advice though. Hope you feel better soon...good luck with the urine sifting!

shmedelle said...

Wow, sorry to hear about that.What a way to screw-up a weekend, huh? One time I was in the ER waiting room and a guy there was passing a stone. It seemed to be pure hell and it did seem like the last stage of labour.
I hear ya that a good nurse makes all the difference. When Haze was in hospital, the nurses were running around at 3 am looking for sausage, to quiet her incessant, "I want sausage NOW"! They never found any but they did locate bacon....and she flung it across the room.
I have, over the years, really considered going back to get my nursing degree, and I think I will after the kid can go to school.

Meissa2112 said...

Awwww man! I second Eric, take it easy!!! I hope you feel better soon!!

*stupid ass kidney stone*

gardenhoe said...

Thanks guys, I can laugh now. Heh. Eric, they hurt like a bitch, huu? It IS very much comparable to the last stage of labor. So men who've had stones kind of know what their wives went through with the birth experience.

gardenhoe said...

Laughing at Hazel throwing bacon. Hug her for me.

Anonymous said...

Am I completely gross to want to know what a kidney stone looks like? I may have to google-image it. Does anything cause them or is it just one of those things that happen for no reason? I hope you feel better :)

Mags

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, should not have google imaged that!

I hope you're not in too much pain anymore.

Mags

gardenhoe said...

Mags, they are cause by a variety of things, including a build up of Calcium and infection. You have to have it analyzed to see what it is. They told me too much Caffine can cause them too. That was really bad news.

gardenhoe said...

Ewwww, I googled too. THAT'S what I'm looking for? Some of them look like weapons of mass destruction. Yikes.

misstiajournal said...

i am glad you better today!! how horrible!!!

:hugs: !

gardenhoe said...

Thanks Tia. How does you garden grow these days?

crabbie said...

I would've just died. But that's why you're tough and I'm a pansy.

Biz said...

Oh my! Oh dear! I hope your ok! Did they at least give you some goodness to take while you're at home?? Is it going to hurt ::coming out::, ahem, if you know what I mean?? How big can they be? Like pea size? I don't even want to think about it, let alone google it. I'm still having nightmares from googling hemorrhoids when I was pregnant....and yet, I am tempted...will I ever learn??


Hope it's quick and painless for ya!

Biz said...

OMG they look like coral!

You've got a coral reef coming out your pee pee!! Ouch!!

Anonymous said...

well the good news is at least you don't have to worry about missing it when sifting...holy crap! (and get well soon!)

gardenhoe said...

LOL! Jagged bastards. Mine is pea sized I guess. I got some Percodan. It helps. It's much better than that shitty Morphine.

shmedelle said...

My sweetie and I never argue about the usual stuff that most couples fight about; bills, money, chores.
But boy, did we have a doozy of a fight one time because he claimed that his vasectomy was worse than my labour (without the epidural).
The fucking nerve.

misstiajournal said...

i need to find most of my garden still! i am emailing pix of the 2 doggies though!

still at the dd email addy?

Anonymous said...

I've gone through 8 kidney stones in two years. They are a bitch! Seven of those had to be pulled out by a urologist since they got caught in the tube and kept growing. One made it to the bladder and I "delivered" that one on Mother's Day. It's uncomfortable but manageable. Just keep on your feet and walk around and bear down like you are in labor. Tends to help it down. Luckily women have a shorter distance than men down there so it comes out faster. If the stone is calcium-based have them test your parathyroid. I had a non-malignant nodule on mine and it throws off your calcium levels. They usually check that after you have a few stones. They take off the nodule and no more stones!
I'm a lurker so returning to my lurker cave....
Susan

Nina said...

Pat,
What a horrible experience. Enjoy the percodan. I mangled my knee on a ski slope a few years back and loved the pain meds...

Feel better and good luck with the sifting...I'll probably never sift flour without remembering this post...

gardenhoe said...

Yep, still flying_buttress@hotmail.com

I have to put it on here when I'm less.....high.

Advice from people who've been through it. Thanks. I'm done with the worst now. Debating weather to go to work in the AM or not. I hate being a wimp.

Shelly said...

Oh DD, I wasn't expecting this at all!! If it's not to intrusive, could you take a picture of it after it's passed? I'm really curious to see what the hell they look like.
Take it easy, let those people take care of you for a change. Even Lissa, she can bring you cold drinks and fluff your pillow!!

Anonymous said...

oh, woman, I felt your pain as i read along and I pray to God that i never get one! Giving birth was horrible pain, I just don't want to think that a kidney stone is worse! LMAO on the pee sifter but you know it could be a shit sifter! And good nurses are close to, if not in another life, celestial beings, I've had many in my life like the one that took care of you!!! Get better and stay of the gosslin bs, it really is just sickning!
ali

Naseem said...

I feel so bad that you had to go through that. It sounds so painful...Just like labor. Take it easy.

I was wondering why you had not blogged all day yesterday. I'm really glad you are okay.

Take care hon.

Nas
XoXo

gardenhoe said...

Thanks guys. Take a pic of it? uh, I don't know. Gross.

Maureen said...

Been there, also had three kids. Kidney stones are much worse than labor, especially when you don't know what the hell is wrong. I thought I was going to die! Called 911, I was in the parking lot of a store,I was afraid to try and drive,by the time the paramedics got there the pain was gone! The jerks treated me as if I was a kook. Asked me if there was something wrong with my personal life, are you on any meds, etc. I was so scared and embarrassed!
I called a friend and told him my symptons, right away he said, "kidney stones."
Thank God I've never had them again! I hope you don't either DD!

gardenhoe said...

How could they treat you like a kook? You'd think medical people would know what was wrong with you, or at least have a clue. That makes me mad.

Coyote said...

Ahhh...a souvenir for Lissa!

Seriously, sorry you had to experience that pain. I had a similar experience with a gallstone in a duct and infected gall bladder--emergency surgery. They could have removed my head if it would have stopped the pain!

Didn't you have a back ache a while ago? You've probably had the stones for a while--they're just making themselves obvious, now.

With a kidney stone, be glad you don't have a penis. Hope "stones" are in your past. It'll help you quit almost anything to avoid another one.

Yes, some nurses are angels--glad you got one.

Take care of yourself. Get well soon.

Corina said...

ouch! I can't begin to imagine how painful that must have been. Sending good thoughts to you, hope you get better!!

Pat said...

Yeah, they really hurt your lower back..a fact I didn't know. It's still sore. Thanks, guys.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about the kidney stone thingie.... hope you are ok now and that the damn stone/pebble/coral came out without too much additional pain.
Nadine

gardenhoe said...

I still haven't found it. I'm tired of looking at pee. I am now bored with the whole thing.

CaseyJ. said...

OMG!!!! I dont check in on you and look what happends. Seriously I hope you are doing better now. I will be home on the 23rd.

Hollywoodite said...

So sorry to hear this, Pat. After a brief 'away' I return and discover you've suffered one of the most intensely painful medical conditions known to man. Can't imagine how this went over with your mom and aunt- I'm guessing there was quite a panic.

I'm glad you had such excellent and attentive care in the ER. Sad to say, but "adequate" is about the best any of us can hope for these days- at least in my experience!

I know it's a hassle, but try to stay vigilant in your 'search for the stone'- having it analyzed really is key to avoiding future attacks.

In the meantime, hang in there. Sounds like you're on the mend. Stay that way, will ya?

vlynn930 said...

so sorry to hear bout this. yeah, i wouldn't want to put a pic of that up either. best left up to the imagination i think.