Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bullshit and more bullshit

What would you say?

What if you were taking care of someone's kid and they were a day late picking the child up and they said the reason was because they were in the hospital having a miscarriage?

And what if, the next weekend when you were supposed to have the kid, they said they decided she couldn't come because they wanted to spend time with the child because they hadn't seen her in a week? And what if you found out they actually went to a kegger instead?

And what if, the NEXT weekend they didn't bother to call at all and you had no idea where the kid was?

And what if, they finally called and brought the kid over on a weekday and you had a nice birthday party and a good time and then they were 5 hours late picking her up and when you didn't even ask why, they said it was because they were in the hospital again because they're pregnant?

And what if, you said, what? How long? They said 8 weeks pregnant. And you reminded them they said they had a miscarriage about three weeks ago and they said "Ummm, I don't, the doctor said, like, I lost one of them."

Yeah? Well, welcome to one month of my screwed up life...screwed up because I am tied to someone my son married. Had a kid with. Then died and left me to deal with her. HER, I meant, not the kid. I just thought, the hell with it. I'm going to write all this stuff down now and I don't care who reads it. The only thing you can do in life, is tell the truth. June 24, 2009

53 comments:

gardenhoe said...

She reminds me of Kate Gosselin, without the money. It's all about attention and me me me me me me.

Miss Muffet said...

Thank God that precious child has you in her life, and for her, you will put up with the bs.

Jess said...

The truth is a great thing, not always pretty but (almost) always necessary.

Have you ever considered going for custody of Lissa?

Anonymous said...

It's good that you're documenting this stuff. Who knows what goes on that you don't know about. I'm sure there's more, there usually is.

Mothers who dump their kids on their grannies for the lengths of time you're talking about don't tend to have their shit together real well. To put it extremely kindly.

I'm very sorry DD. It's beyond sad, there are no words. Poor Lis. Poor you.

Biz said...

Jess beat me to it. Are you able to go for custody? How do you think Lissa feels about it all? Being with you versus her time at her mom's?

Anonymous said...

My grandmother probably saved my life. You may be that for your darling grand daughter. No doubt you will be her hero for her entire life. It's always like that in broken families, no matter how it got broken. It's ridic that she keeps claiming crazy things that contradict the last thing she told you. You aren't suppose to remember??? It's like you will probably just stop listening to her altogether. No point. Just be there for Lissa, but don't be that woman's doormat either. I know you wouldn't be. But if it's for the kid, sometimes it's best to just step aside and be a grandma and not a MIL. I am yet to be either, but my own MIL has been nice sometimes & not very nice at all to me & my kids at times, for 25+ years. I just don't care anymore. they rarely go see her, I never do. She has not made a place in my kids hearts. So, you are not like that, & it will be you she goes to with problems and school things and projects etc. Not her mother. It's a good thing. Take care. I'm sorry you are dealing with that now. Did Eric divorce her? You didn't say. If he did, I understand. xo

gardenhoe said...

I'd gladly take her. But, that would never happen. Her mom gets a check for her because her dad is dead. I've never blogged about this stuff, but, it's constant. There's never any peace with that woman. I just want to be a good grandma, I don't really want to raise a child at my age, but, I would if I had to.

You always know the drama is coming. Pay attention to me! Look at me! Talk to me! No one else matters, even her own child. I just want to see the kid, you know? I don't give a fuck about the crazy. Drop the kid off, hey, free babysitter here.. and go do what you want. Leave me the fuck alone. But, that never happens either when you're dealing with a narcissist.

Anonymous said...

Gawd, a very young mom? Had Lissa at a young age? Maybe feels she has missed being young & free? Typical. Is she on drugs? Call the cops on her as a missing parent next time. I know that would make Lis have to go to foster care temporarally (sp), but maybe not. maybe they'd just let you keep her till they hash it out with the mom. If it was anyone else and a paid babysitter, the cops would be called for desertion.

gardenhoe said...

No, anon, the divorce was planned but not final when he died. She was living with another guy. Get this, this will give you a clue about her..when Eric died, she came over her with her fucking boy friend and ransacked his house and was selling his stuff. I put a padlock on the door.

She also went to the funeral home, claimed she was his wife (only legally) and fucked with his funeral arrangements.

My grandaughter loves her mom, but, even she knows things aren't right.

Anonymous said...

I don`t like how Lis is used as a bargaining chip against you, that is so sad. You are being the best grandma you can be and that`s the most important. Trust me, Lis is going to grow up with a much closer relationship to you than with her Mom.

Stay strong.

Mags

TVsnarkandFart said...

What an irresponsible bitch!

Keep a log of all this stuff and WHEN you sue for custody you will have adequate evidence.

gardenhoe said...

No anon I'd never call the cops. Liss can stay here anytime she wants for as long as she wants. The cops are already over at their house quite enough as it is.

gardenhoe said...

Thanks snark, yeah, I guess it's a good idea.

Anonymous said...

Im sorry....it is so hard to deal with this kind of crap... Lissa will be old enough in a few years to do/ go wherever she wants, and she will come to you, no doubt about it. Lissa's mom has no idea how lucky she is to have you....

sb

Naseem said...

I admire your courage Pat.

gardenhoe said...

I'm just sick of it. All I want is to see the kid. Why do I have to deal with her and her problems? She forces me to.

crystal said...

As you know Pat, we go back many years and the saying about the truth is the best thing and it does prevail, I think will time and time show itself again here.

People can only be shit on time and time again before something has to happen to make it a better place.

Unfortunately for your daughter-in-law and fortunatley maybe for you, Alissa is getting older and with age comes knowledge, comes understanding. She knows you are a safe haven for her, she knows you adore her, love her and will do anything for her and because of this her life is better and she is a happier person because of you, so don't forget that.

So bitch all you want here, just don't get too discouraged. As you know, life can be over at the drop of the hat, so just do what you want to do, say what you want to say and know your a much happier person then your daughter-in-law is and THAT is usually why people act out like they do.

Don't ever try to understand people like this, they can't find happiness themselves, so how are they suppose to be able to offer it to others.

meissa2112 said...

Wow. I agree re:custody. Keep documenting, you just never know, you might use all this information. I feel for Lissa, but, I know she is blessed to have you as well.

Don't let the bitch use you.

I HATE EVERBODY! said...

What a fucked up situation. My heart goes out to you and your grand baby.

If it were my DIL I'd be watching her like a hawk.......

Might be time to get her checked for a psych evaluation. Have her locked up for 72 hours. That'll teach the bitch.

That miscarriage shit is just strange.

I'm sorry to hear about your son.

Pat said...

I don't watch her..I've never even been to her house. I don't want to hear her shit, buy her shit, lend her shit, bail her out of shit, or....shit. I just want my grand kid dropped off when she's supposed to be. I want my grand daughter to have a normal life.

Pat said...

3 months ago I had a vivid dream that there was a baby boy mixed up in all this shit. God, I hope it was just a dream.

Anonymous said...

This story is all too familiar to me..I feel your pain. Your "patience"(for lack of better term)will pay off DD and one day Lissa will be the one who speaks up to authorities and takes care of the B.S. that her mother spouts. Her karma will catch up to her, and you're going to finally be able to breath a sigh of relief. Stay positive that things will work out for Lissa's future. She will grow up to be a wonderful and wise woman because of YOU. And know that Eric is & will be with you guys every step of the way, grateful to you for always being a wonderful mother/grandmother.

Pat said...

I try. But, I pulled a Ricky once. You don't mess with a mom during her own childs funeral. No sane person would anyhow.

Anonymous said...

Those kind of people always make sure "it's about them"..Eric's funeral was no doubt "all about her" and her pain. At least in her fucking deluded mind. If you are sick, they are sicker, if you are dead, they are deader. It never fucking ends. They always have to top you, one. So, you finally just say "fuck it" and you just stop having a conversation except about the necessary things. Why talk to someone when it's just gonna be about them & their shit problems? Who wants to fucking hear that all the time? I'm sorry to go off on this. But I know what you are talking about. The death in the family, the selling off of belongings, lying about everything, taking things that do not belong to them. Accusing you of all kinds of BS. I have been thru it, even taken to court by my own mom that stole everything when my grandmother died, she had a secret auction and sold off EVERYTHING!!! The family was not informed. I have no clue how she got away with it, it was off in another county. But she managed to pull it off. Even the house was gone!!! Nobody would help when it was brought to light either. Whats wrong with people?? She even had the headstone changed to her specs, one that she did NOT even pay a dime for. How did she do that too? Who the hell knows? Those people have ways, they know how to work the system. It sickens me to think about it. Pat, I have been there with family too. I hate it. But they make it all work for them. Every damn time!

misstiajournal said...

gee, that reminds me of my neighbor who has 'had' numerous cancers, 'broken' feet, MS, a cracked spine, etc and yet is ALWAYS able to walk fine and go out to bars!!! it's always her her her...even when my neighbor makes her kids fake illnesses it's for the attention SHE gets...

Lissa is more than lucky to have you in her life and i know you redouble/tripel your love for her (if that's even possible!!) to give her some stability....

start keeping logs....because i tell you what, Lissa is wise beyond her years and when she starts going to school she'll say something to a teacher or someone there about something her mom said or did and they have to investigate....you have a log, it will help you get custody!

we need to establish a narcisist island and send 'em all there!

I HATE EVERBODY! said...

mistiajournal said:

we need to establish a narcisist island and send 'em all there!
***********************************

I'm booking my sister. She and Kate are like two pea's in a pod.

Here's my story. I was in CA working. Was there for 3 months. Every night would call my mom to check in. Then one night no answer. Try for 2 nights and then finally decide to call my sister. She says "Oh, mom's dead". WTF?!

Just like that. Fuckin bitch.
My mom gets hit by a fuckin drunk driver and my sister can't pick up the fuckin phone to call me? I could have hopped a plane and been by my mom's side, but hell no.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is there "REALLY" are people who think the world revolves around them......and their pain...and fuck everyone else.

End.Of.Story.

Pat said...

Man! Do you guys have her number. Thanks for your stories. I like reading them.

Anonymous said...

Dear "I Hate..."

I'm so sorry. That's just unbelievably fucked up.

Many of us (myself included) believe we've got the most dysfunctional family on earth. Your story illustrates that no matter HOW BAD someone believes their family (or family member) is... it could be worse.
It could always be worse.

Hang in there.

Nadine said...

Pat, don't go for custody... I just checked (at least here where I am) and grandparents don't have any real rights. She can make life hell for you in the sense that she won't let you see Lis at all etc...
Like Crystal, you and I go back a long time, I know you well enough to understand how you want nothing to do with her you only WANT TO SEE LISSA... but if you don't play her game, it will not happen.
So bitch all you want on here, we all back you 100%....Enjoy Lissa when you have her...
Nadine

Anonymous said...

Pat, I can totally feel for you ! We have a daughter in law who I think was born without a brain ! Our oldest son was killed in an accident this past May . When the nitwit called to tell us of it she said that the funeral would be on Saturday . We left on Friday morning to go over 500 miles to get there. When we got to the funeral home on Saturday morning the funeral director told us that she had canceled the funeral . We were in shock ! When the nitwit finally showed up to pick up the ashes , she told us that Aaron wouldn't have wanted her to waste the money on a funeral . WHAT !!! What about the rest of his family ??? I guess we didn't count . She couldn't even get the obit right . She left me out and had our younger son as dead . But she remembered all of their friends in another state . We got to see our two grandchildren for about 2 hours . She has since taken off to another state and given the kids to other people because she doesn't want them . We would take them ,but we have no rights . This is the same nitwit who had to party and couldn't be bothered to check on her child( our first grandchild that our son had with her ) who lay dead in her crib beaten to death by the babysitter . This boneheaded nitwit has cost us a son , a grandchild , a boat load of money and countless heartache . My sympathy to you on the loss of your son , Pat . I know how horrible it is .

meissa2112 said...

Oh gosh. these are all horrible family stories. Anon above me, I am so sorry for your grandkid and your son. I hate everybody...I am so sorry about your mom. Everyone who has shared their story, I admire you for staying strong.

Our best friend in Oregon, is dealing right now with her mom's illness. She is very sick, and has been for more than a year now. Last year my friend had to deal with her diabetic stepdad, unfortunately he passed away , not by diabetes, but by lymphoma. She was taking care of him and a borderline demential mother with no other help than her husbands. After her stepdad died, her mom got worse.

She has two sisters that are pretty much useless, one of them at least calls everyday from CA to check on her mom, but, is a crank addict. The other one is here in WA, a fat whore who is just waiting like a vulture to see what 20 bucks she cant get from everything. That leech will drain every penny you have and throw you out when you run out of money. She doesn't give two shits about her mother or anybody in her family, not even her own children.

My friend is about to declare bankruptcy, her stepdad left them with three mortgages on the house up to 200k, and credit card bills. The old man was a careless gambler. The whore sister got a credit card on her mom's name to get a 3k refrigerator that obviously she's not paying for. While she was there to "help" she made her mom spend money and more money, and maxed the cards.

My friend and her husband are now stuck with those bills and her mom has been in the hospital for more than two months total in this year, plus two surgeries. They have not been paying their own bills just to take care of house payments and the rest of mom's bills. She hasn't been working to be with her mom. Thankfully at work they are very flexible and understanding. If she has to stay "in care" they will lose the house to the state. Either way they are screwed.

I was just there with them a couple of weeks ago because her mom almost died, my friend called me that morning in tears and I left right away. I was horrified by the lack of help they had. I mean, these are extremely good kind hearted people. They do not deserve what they have right now.

crystal said...

I don't know about the laws there, but I know it can be very difficult for grandparents to get custody. It is a hard call Pat, because this woman knows how to hurt you the hardest and that would be to take Alissa away from you and basically there wouldn't be much you could do I don't think.
She already went down that road a bit with you last year.

I don't know if you remember but awhile ago when we talked in MSN you mentioned about dreams you were having about little boy - I wonder if they are resurfacing again - not that they were bad dreams - just it make me think of that time lol.

Just love Alissa, enjoy her and try and keep and make her life as
"normal" for no lack of a better word and stable as you can and it will all play out in the end.

lia said...

crystal and nadine has got it right when they say grandparents have no rights. this woman has you by the balls and if you want to see her grandkid you have to play the game. she is just as likely to turn her back on you and refuse you a relationship at all. people like that do that all the time. just google 'parental alienation syndrome' if you want to know what this woman can do to you and lis. it could get a whole lot worse.

Heidi said...

I tend to agree with what others have said. Just play the game. That sweet child will grow up and make her own decisions and come to her own conclusions. She will know where to go!

My youngest daughter`s best friend is my Lissa.
Her Mom is a whack job. The girl`s stepdad divorced the Mom (there is a 5 yr old brother from that marriage but he is with the father now). She has been opening her legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry since then. Leaves the girl alone all the time (she is 15). She started coming over our house more and more. She is a good kid so I did not mind. Then she started asking if she could sleep over on school nights.
That puzzles me cause in MY world, you do not do that. Her Mom was okay with this.
As long as the kid is not messing her good time, she does not care.
So I told the girl, that if she ever needed a place to go or sleep, our door is always open. She does not stay here every night. I would say 3 nights a week.
Some people have told me to call CPS on the mother. I will not do that. This *arrangement* is working out fine. She is her mother. She takes her to the Dr. But she knows that this is a safe, quiet, normal place to fall when she needs it.

In my heart, I have a feeling then when she turns 18yrs..she will probably come here permanently. She will probably strike out on her own, but this will always be *home*.

MuserMommyinPA said...

Pat I applaud your level of care and concern for your granddaughter. Being partly (well really mostly) raised by my own grandmother, I want you to know what a difference you make in her life. It may not always seem worth it, but please always be a refuge from the insanity for her. I will forever be closer to my grandmother than my mother. Who, btw was my father's mother (not that that makes a difference).

My short story is my parents divorced after marrying young and while it was not as crazy as Lissa's situation, it was not the best of circumstances. My mother was not equipped with enough maturity to know how to raise children. It was my grandmother who saved my sister's life in a medical emergency after my mother who was with her all day didn't notice her turning yellow and she nearly died from kidney failure.

While both my sister and I now have our own families and my mother is a much better grandmother than she was a mother, I will NEVER leave my son with her alone. Unfortunately my grandmother is too far away and has dementia, so she doesn't get to enjoy our children as much as I would like. But bottom line, always put Lissa first but try your best to work with the situation as is. Best of luck!

Nina said...

Pat,
You could take all this info, written in your unique and enthralling style and electronically submit it to one of the edgier alternative publishing houses and make a mint.

Over 10 million people tuned in to watch the G's train wreck. If 75% of those folks read blogs think of the free advertising you'd have. You already have an established base of fans and followers. You are fearless in expressing your thoughts on the web.

You could even call the book an unauthorized collection of postings from your site's. Flesh them out a bit and add some jucier ponderings and wait for the money to roll in.

Woman, you are sitting on millions with your life experiences and ability to express them to others. I kid you not. You are a potential, publishing rocket. You just need to start the count down and take off!

Anonymous said...

Hi Pat,

Your relationship with Lissa is obviously a special one.

Your connection with her through your son, and Lissa's ability to find unconditional love and affection, a stable environment and safety in your home is fortunate for both of you.

jarhead

Shelly said...

Nina, I know you and I want the book, but I think theres room for a D.D. Advice column. Hell, if it where set up right, D.D. could make some $$ off it. Then the column could be turned into a book! (Carrie Bradshaw)

The thing of this is, Pat does not want custody of her granddaughter, scheduled visitation is fully reasonable for a grandma. Look at what she's got on her plate! A day in Pat's life would kill me. Hell, raising kids, especially energetic Lissa's is fucking exhausting. I'm only 43 and I would NEVER want another baby, even at my age. I had to put a stop to Baby Daddys disregard to scheduled visitation. His big excuse was funerals. This fucking guy is 28 years old, and has a funeral every other week? NO. I got a special calendar just for his BS. I made him take me to court for visitation. I brought out the calendar and he couldn't justify all the missed visits. He got 2 days a week supervised,( with drug testing for marijuana) which is what I offered him in the first place. He only wanted one day a week with sleepovers, I said no, the court said no. Why in the fuck would I let my baby spend the night in a strangers home?(in a shitty neighborhood by the way) He never put in any time or effort. I even let him move in and gave him his own room in my home. After a month, I asked for $300 a month for food. He promptly moved out. Durring her first 8 years he never lived more than 10 miles from us. He's seen her maybe a dozen times.
Shelly's rant, sorry, heres the kicker, when she was about one, I got a job at Ford and didn't have a babysitter. His deaf grandmother and mother offered to watch her. It was about 2 hours to get to her house and then get my ass to work by 6am. These are people BEGGING to see their only grandchild. I did it for a week, at the end of the week the bitch tried to CHARGE me!! She said, "I'm only going to charge you half of what a regular daycare would cost." I took my baby and never saw the bitch again.
Her father has seen her once in 6 years. She's over him totally.
The pisser for me is that she looks like his fucking twin..
Oh, and the cocksucker is about $5,000 behind in child support.(the debt that never goes away).
OHHH man....

Shelly said...

Oh, and Pat, Granny's are sacred special gifts. Mine was my world till she died.I was her favorite, and she raised me for most of my life. You'll always be #1 in Lissa's eyes. Granny's are little girls special angels.

I HATE EVERBODY! said...

Manipulation and control. All attention was on your grand daughter and she had to bring it back to her. I think thats why she pulled the miscarriage shit.

I wanna say poor kid, but like everyone else has said...She has an awesome grandma looking out for her.

This blog is a great site and you should be paid for your writing. My Grand FIL started writing after he retired. He was a western writer and his books are still sellling.

You really should write a book. At least send some of these stories that you've written to magazine publications. Thats how a lot of writers start off ...

You truly have a gift.

Roxanne said...

I am in shock, sitting here with my jaw dropped at the stories about the botched up funerals, lack of calls to relatives about a death in the family etc. How in the GD f'g world could that happen? I just do not understand that. If my child that grew inside me had died and no one told me, I think I would just fall over dead myself. I would just die of the shock. These horror stories on here are making want to puke. I hate people. And it's ALWAYS those people that end up with everything and just drift off to another unsuspecting victim to take all their shit too after they die. And it just goes on and on. Those people never seem to have to pay the bill for their deeds. Why is that? We all have to pay the tab for their misdeeds. It's always like that. Every GD family has at least one character like that. I think it's a mental defect. A fucked up gene. I really do. They were not born with any conscience.

crystal said...

see if you ever need references you have a ton Pat :). Your playing the "game" admirably, just wake up and put all the shit behind you every morning. Alissa is ONE SMART COOKIE, she will figure it all out too.

Pat said...

Anon, I am so sorry. I don't even have words for what you've gone through. Your story left me in tears. I am beyond sorry for your son and your grand daughter. I just don't even know what to say. I wonder how you are and how you deal with it all.

Pat said...

Shelly, dealing with a dead beat dad is bad enough (been there) but, when you have grandma's who try and charge you for taking care of their own grandchild..OMG! I was outraged at your story. That's some fucked up Grandma's there. Geeez.

Pat said...

THIS is the kind of stuff I really want to write and read about. These comments really mean a lot to me. It's what life is about, real life, not some fairy tale you make up for the net.It's hard to write about and anyone can find this site...that means I have to be truthful. And I have to be truthful about myself too. I have my own problems, I've never denied that, but, my dream is just to live a normal peaceful life. Seems like everyday I get up and someone starts on me and I say to myself "Don't pull a Ricky." It's my mantra. I suddeny feel very good about this blog. Thank you all.

Pat said...

Heidi..you will be a safe place for that girl and she will remember you the rest of her life. I know that, because I grew up in a bad way and I still remember the few people like you. I now try and pay it foreward, you know? You're awesome.

misstiajournal said...

yes, always try to have a positive impact on kids!!! i had a horrific childhood and i remember the few people who were kind to me...i don't have kids but i always try to be there for the neighborhood kids--listening to them, encouraging them, etc...

you might not think spending a little bit of time with a kid makes a difference, but it DOES!!!

Anonymous said...

Pat , Thank you so much for your kind words of sympathy . We are ok . It was pretty rough in the beginning , but we have a wonderful family that has been very supportive . Our remaining son has been a rock for his dad and me . I can't dwell on Aaron's death or it would drive me crazy .( he was crushed and burned . I can only hope that he wasn't conscious through any of it. ) Tears come at the most unexpected moments . But life goes on . We will get through this . We look forward to the day that we are all united in heaven . There is a saying that goes....be kind , everyone is fighting some kind of battle . It's really true . Thanks , again .

gardenhoe said...

I know you are very good to the neighborhood children, Miss Tia, believe me, you will be remembered.

gardenhoe said...

Anon, again, I am so deeply sorry. I try not to go to the dark place either. The place where you wonder how it was, how long it took, oh, you know what I'm talking about. I know you do. I know there are two other mothers on here, besides us, who know about that dark door in your mind. The one we try to keep closed. We have to. My thoughts are with you today.

Anonymous said...

i am sitting here reading these horrible stories and i realize why i am so fucked up and have let every man i have loved shit on me. i remember my mother telling me "i love you , but i don't like you." might not sound that bad, but..that is the exact feeling i have about myself all the time no matter what. i'm nice,funny ,reasonably attractive, not too fat , smart and most of all a pretty good mom.still, there's that voice telling me i'm too fat, not too smart, not too pretty, can't do anything right.and i seem to love to let men make me feel this way too. God, your parents can really fuck you up. i wish i wasn't like this. what will it take for me to love me?Sorry, i know this pales in comparison to these other horrible situations. i guess this is my piece of the shit cake everyone's eaten.

Anonymous said...

the nut job will love this post because it's all about her.

Jen said...

wow your DIL's ego has taken over her life. of course you wouldn't normally hang out with someone like that but in this circumstance...

sending you conscious energy. may you stay present and refrain from snapping her neck...!