Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bad dreams can be good dreams?

I wasn't going to post about this...but, I've been plagued by nightmares for over a year now. Last night was really bad and it's always the same thing. The content of my nightmares is always the same story, but, variations. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to figure out what they mean. But, anyway, quite coincidentally, I came across this article today about dreaming. It seems there are theories about how dreams can help you deal with anger and fear in your waking life. So, my bad dreams are helping me deal with real life? Maybe. Perhaps screaming in my sleep is what helps me to be able to find things to laugh about when I'm awake. The human mind is amazing. It's a pretty interesting article. You can read it HERE if you're interested.


Anonymous said...

I too suffer from nightly nightmares. they suck and they don't seem to be going away anytime soon.
Thanx for posting the article.

Anonymous said...

That article was interesting to read. I don't know much about dreams and sleeping but I do know that if you don't dream, you will go crazy. Everyone has to dream - some just don't remember their dreams.

I also think it is important to sleep - it rejuvenates the body and mind and if you lack that eventually it will affect you - although I understand easier said then done in some cases.

My thought Pat when you said your have had nightmares for a year now that it would stem from Eric's death and perhaps it is helping you to just cope with every day life now.

Dreams are very intersting and I think we all can learn a lot from them.


Anonymous said...

That's what I was going to post Crystal - that maybe they started after Eric passed away. Anything related to your children touches you so deeply, those feelings are often much too stirring to tolerate in normal thought (my experience, anyway).
But several years ago I read that dreams and REM help process thoughts and experiences from day to day and that's why it's so important to have good sleep.

Pat said...

Yeah, you guys are right. My dreams are always about my son. Sometimes he's a little boy, sometimes he's a grown man, but, he's always lost and I'm trying to find him. I don't know much about dream interpretation. I take sleeping pills, lately they don't help. I still dream.

Anonymous said...

Before I even read the comments it wasn't hard and won't take a Dr to tell you whats going on. It is about Eric. You want to find him, bring him home, or help him in some way. Save him from danger? Living in his house has probably intensified the dreams. You say you find guitar picks in random places, like he is leaving them around for you to find. You are there, with him. He is with you. It's OK. Have you tried taking melatonin or some other natural sleep aid? It might help. And not drinking coffee late in the day helps too. I bet working in your garden & getting tired from that has even helped. being tired is a great sleep aid! But Pat, it's OK. You are there with Eric and it's all good. Lay there & sleep and listen to his music play softly. He really wants you to be ok. xo

Anonymous said...

Nice message, Roxanne. I agree, Eric wants you to know that he is OK. 2 years ago, my godmother lost her 20 year old son in a freak plane accident in Afghanistan (he was with the British Air force) and she dream t so often of him until she realized that it was OK to let go and that he was trying to tell her that he was doing OK. We all believe and interpret things differently. Now that Eric has been finally "put to rest" (buried), I am sure that, with time, your nightmares will subside. You had been carrying that a long time with you.

Meissa2112 said...

Pat, I concur with everything said. It doesn't take a genius dr. to know it's because of your boy. Yes, he's giving you signs that he's ok, but, in my very humble opinion, you never got a chance to say your goodbye properly because of his sudden departure. The moment you let him go, I assure you the nightmares will be gone. Letting go is the hardest thing to do, so it's gonna take time. You'll know when you are ready.


Coyote said...

I have a reoccurring dream, too, Pat. I think it's caused by a deep sadness trying to escape--but it can't because it's a part of your heart and mind or soul--whatever that is. I don't know how to explain it--I think of it as a "silent scream" from the deepest part of you. I'm not good at explaining myself, in writing, but I think you'd find people who have suffered terrible loss would understand exactly what you're describing.

I don't know that the dreams ever go away because the longing never goes away.

Thank you for the article.

Pat said...

Thanks. The nightmares left me drained yesterday and I didn't even feel like blogging. I slept with no dreams last night, I feel better. Maybe I'll photoshop Kate, that always perks me up. Heh.

Pat said...

Coyote? What's your reoccurring dream? Can you talk about it?

Pat said...

Roxanne, I started having the nightmares before I moved into his house. And I found the picks in my old apartment. Sometimes he and I would play guitars together, but, he never left any picks there and I don't use picks. It's weird, huu?

Coyote said...

Pat, no offense, but I'd prefer not to talk about them on a blog.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and I know how the dreams can drain you and affect everything in your life.

gardenhoe said...

I understand. I can't really talk about mine either. Just admiting the content was bad enough, but, everyone knew anyway. I figured they would. I hope your dreams get better.

Anonymous said...

Coyote and Pat, my brother was run over by a train when he was 17 and my mom has had a horrible dream since, one she really will not tell us all the details of but she has this horrible scream that starts really low and then it goes into a high shrill, it is the most horrible scream we have ever heard and she has them, at least once a month, since since Aug. 20, 1972! Mom lives with me now, so my kids and husband get freaked out by it and I am still not use to that scream, it is horrifying! I really do believe it is the scream of watching or feeling the death of a child or loved one and not being able to do anything about it put all into a sound, and it is my mother's horrible scream! I am not sure it is accurate to say that these dreams will go away but learning to deal with them and understanding them helps a lot!
my heart goes out to you!

crystal said...

I want to say I am sorry Pat, that although probably people did know what the timeframe was that was troubling you, I didn't mean to mention Eric if you didn't want me to and for that I am sorry.

We all deal with loss differently and no 2 ways are the same and NO ways are wrong - it is just how each of us get through the day/night.

I can't begin to imagine what losing a child is like, but I can say without hesitation that it must be the hardest thing a person goes through.

I always say to people that have a hard time dealing with a loss of someone close to them - if you WEREN'T having a difficult time, then that is when you should worry.

Take them for what they are Pat, your still grieving and that is absolutely ok to do through dreams and reality.

But I will finish and say if your having continual problems sleeping, you should search out for some remedy - it is important for our mind and body to rest and you do need that too.

(ps finished preaching/consoling you (and I know how you hate that lol) - my next post will be more upbeat - I promise lol)

Hugs - hey how is the inside of the house coming - you finished all the painting or is that a winter chore?

Coyote said...


Hope your Mom gets over her demons, too. Thank you for your kind words.

Pat, thanks for understanding. I, too, have trouble sleeping--must be a common thread in grief.

Someone gave me this poem a long time ago. I think of it all the time and thought I'd share it with you and your readers.

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

...Edna St Vincent Millay