Monday, June 1, 2009

Eric's stone is here





We finally buried Eric today. After a year and a month, he is where he wanted to be. The stone is a nice stone with his Mustang guitar and his police line strap..and the Shooting Star lyrics. So, finally, it's over and I hope he can rest. I won't bore you or embarass myself by telling how hard this day was. I will tell you this. On the way home strange things started to happen. It was me, Mom and Casey in the car. I felt him sitting in the back with me. It's been over a year since his death and I have not felt a strong presence like today. I said nothing. When we got home, Casey and I were talking about how many green guitar picks we've found in unlikely places. I have half a jar full. Lime green picks were his trademark. I found them in my apartment after his death and I know I didn't have any. I continue to find them, on my desk, in the refrigerator, laying near the lawn mower shed, even in my purse. The other day I found one on top of the washer. Casey finds them too. As we talked about that, I looked down and there was something I'd never seen before. It was one of those little Memorex travel drive things with the USB port. I asked her if it was hers and she said no. I said it's not mine, I don't even have one. It was laying right in front of the computer which was on. Casey and I looked at each other like WTF? We plugged it in and photos of Eric and his last girl friend came up. Photo's we'd never seen. Then I told Casey I thought he was in the car with us and she said she did too, but, didn't want to say anything. She said someone pulled on her seat belt. She was driving. I don't know what any of this means really. I am just recording it here and it is the truth.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you today dishy....

Snowbunnie

Biz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
misstiajournal said...

::hugs::

that is a very nice stone...

i hope this starts to bring some peace to you, casey, your family and to eric...

:more hugs:

Anonymous said...

I know you are telling the truth, DD. Your son may have finally found his resting peace and wants to let you know that he is OK and happy. A hard day but you have now honored his being and have a place to visit and remember (not that you needed that). Have a good night's sleep tonight.

Anonymous said...

...a beautiful stone, Dish. Peace to you and your family.

Kate

Anonymous said...

People are strange when they hear these sorts of things (i believe them) but so many only believe what they want or i should say what they think their passed loved one would do. They aren't open to more then what they want to happen.

I'm so happy for all of you, that the long fought for stone is finally in place & as painful as being reminded over and over about the losses can be, that everyone has a sense a peace.

shmedelle said...

It is a very nice stone. (((hugs)))
You have that little kid and she's lucky to have you. Thoughts with you. Big time.

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I'm sooo happy that this day has finally come for you guys.

RIP Eric

dirtydisher said...

I slept last night, all night, for the first time in a year. I think I'm feeling better now that the final things have been put in order. The feeling I had in the car was so strong that I kept blinking my eyes and turning my head. I was trying to clear the image, but, I couldn't. He seemed to be sitting next to me, grinning and he was wearing white sneakers.

Anonymous said...

Very happy for you DD. I hope you keep connecting with Eric and feel assured in his peace until you are re-united.

Thanks for sharing; it's comforting to have loved one's who have passed on acknowledging the living.

Jarhead

Anonymous said...

DD,
I've always thought that crossing over from this life to whatever comes next is like going through a door. It sounds like Eric is keeping it open so he can keep track of what's going on in your world and throwing a pic over from time to time to say hi...We're all immortal in a spiritual sense.

Great stone...Peace to you all..

Coyote said...

DD, you're a very strong woman. I knew nothing of your loss until recently, but I feel that because his little one is with you, and loved by you, that you gave Eric peace, and now he's thanking you and giving you what peace we mortals can have. I'm very happy for you, Lissa, Casey, and everyone who loved Eric.

I experienced something a few weeks before my husband passed that I've never shared because I didn't think anyone would believe me. Actually, I didn't even remember it until after his death. I believe, completely, that Eric was/is with you and that what you saw, you saw and what Casey saw/felt was as real as it could be. I hope the lime green picks keep coming to remind you of how much he loves you.

Tears are aflowin'

Naseem said...

Beautiful stone. I am sure Eric loves it. My thoughts are with you.

xoxo

Eric in San Diego said...

Hey Pat...peace to you and yours, lady. This is a good day. The final act of completing the circle, if you will. Rest well, Eric.

Anonymous said...

ghost in sneakers?

Anonymous said...

I am happy that you "slept" and that you get to feel your son's presence! I lost a my brother when he was 17, train ran over him, and my dad almost 5 years ago, and from time to time I feel their presence, mostly my dad's, and it feels good but also sad, sad because I wish we could talk and hug and kiss....Beautiful headstone! I hate to say this but i know the headstone cost a lot, the simple one we got for my dad cost like $800, I can only imagine what was spent on your son's...Someday when I have the money to spare i will buy dad a bigger one but for now i am glad there is space on the grass for me to lay there and talk to him, next to his little headstone!

ali

gardenhoe said...

It was a lot, but, most of it came from donations from his friends and fans. They were so generous and all of them so lost and sad over his passing. I noticed flowers left there already and gutiar pics, messages, cans of beer and other things.

As for "ghost in sneakers"...I slept well and thought about it again. I'd had no pain pills in me, my scrip is out. I don't drink. I have finally accpted that he was there, sitting next to me. In white sneakers. He had a ball cap on too. And he was grining. I'm awake, straight and I had a good nights sleep. I saw him. Thats my first time seeing him while awake. I'm just going to accept it and be glad that he looked happy.

gardenhoe said...

ali, the size of your dad's headstone might not have mattered to him and he's happy to have a marker in a place you can come visit. I got Eric something different and big because he would have liked that. He cared about shiny new things, always wanted the best. I think he really likes it.

gardenhoe said...

For myself, I just want a big rock.

OmeOmy said...

The stone is lovely...and is a place of peace, hopefully. Hugs and kind thoughts to you and yours. He is in your heart, nothing can change that or take it away.

Daydream Studios said...

You really know how to give me goosebumps. I'm happy for you.

I lost my Grandma a few years ago and every once in awhile I will think about her out of the blue and I just get the feeling that she's looking out for me. Sometimes the feeling is so strong it makes me cry, and I'm not a cry'er...lol

Hope your days get better from here forward "garden HO" :-) (took me a minute to realize who that was)
K

Anonymous said...

I think that's the coolest story I've read in a long time. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the loss of your son, but I'm glad he's found his peace and that you have found yours.

E-

lia said...

thats a beautiful headstone and i am very glad to see that you got it completed and that eric was there to see it. those stories of the guitar picks, and the pictures and i remember the sticker you found behind a fireplace when you needed it most. its all good stuff. you and eric are really tuned into each other. and i am glad you are here. i think you should seriously consider writing a dam good book about life and death. i guess thats why you like the garden so much. its all about life and death and they so compliment each other don't they? love you always.

Disher said...

This house feels empty for the first time. I never realized the house didn't feel empty. I know that sounds odd, maybe it's a mental state, maybe not. I fought so hard to get him where he wanted to be and now I prefer to think he's satisfied. I play this game in my mind where he is in California. Maybe he is.

There were so many offers of legal help and money from people on the net. I would like to thank them all so much and I'm glad I didn't have to take them up on their offers. Just knowiing people wanted to help is amazing to me. Thank you, everybody.

Disher said...

Odd ending..yesterday Casey went to Omaha to visit a friend in the hospital. On the way to her car, in an elevator, in a locked case, was a yellow guitar pick. It didn't belong there. There was no way to get it out, or in. I'd put a yellow guitar pick in his urn. No one knew that but me.

Roxanne said...

That stone is amazing. I hate cemetery's, I hate that they exist and we all have to visit them at some point in our lives. It's not a good thing. Anyway, what you did is beautiful and a forever memorial to your precious son, Eric. I love the guitar & strap, so personal. I totally believe what you said too. That stuff really does happen, whether we choose to believe it or not. The guitar picks thing is so eery. Gawd, how that makes me think of my grandma, every time after she died that I'd hear the phone ring, I knew it was her calling me. My heart would leap with anticipation and excitement. I don't know why and it makes me cry, still. This post made me cry. I miss my family, they are all gone now and I can't do a damn thing about it. I am 51 and don't have any extended relatives still around. There are things I still wanted to know about and have nobody to ask. You don't think your last link to your family's history is ever gonna leave, you just don't. & then it does. Pat, you are amazing, we love you and I am glad you are still here "somewhere", I would have missed your prescence. Enjoy your garden! I will keep checking here. Thank you for not leaving us entirely. It's my therapy to "talk" to you.

jessica said...

I am so glad you got Eric laid to rest and are feeling peace. Best to you and Lis and Casey J.

konspiracytheory said...

I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. So glad you felt some peace today.

gardenhoe said...

Thank you all for your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

sorry I am a bit late on responding. Before I start, I don't know if you ever got my email that I sent on the anniversary of Eric's death? If not, I want to tell you that I was thinking about you all day that day and knowing it would be hard for you.

What a lovely tribute DD to Eric. Absolutely gorgeous, so thoughtful and the love that went behind constructing it was very obvious.

I think you remember the few stories I have told you about my parents after they died, so I totally will tell you - it was not your imagination - he was truly with you Pat, just not physically.

It's been a long drawn out nightmare for you this last year, and I am so glad things finally worked to the point of you being able to feel good at the results. I am sure now it is the 1st of many sleeps you will have.

Thank you for sharing this with us - I do think it was a necessary step for you to find the peace your hoping to acheive more and more each day.

Take care - hugs - you know I am only an email away if you ever need me :)

Crystal

Anonymous said...

Awesome stone DD! I am a strong believer that our loved ones that passed on send us signs that they are still with us. Most times it's finding meaningful pennies, seeing excessive amounts of butterflies, or sometimes you may even smell their scents. What better sign for Eric to send, but guitar picks?! That's awesome! I hope you find comfort in knowing that he is still with you. ♥

gardenhoe said...

Thank you all for your thoughts. Reading comments on the blog after he died really helped ease my mind. It really did.