Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Scarecrow that pissed off the world


I named my scarecrow The Green Goddess and she really pissed people off which makes me extremely happy. The old ladies are sad because I'm ruining a perfectly good "brand new" evening gown. Can't you just see some chick in a spiked Pat Benetar hair do wearing that piece of shit? Yeah, that's what I thought too. I paid $5 bucks for it. It had been hanging in the used shop for years waiting to come back in style. The old ladies who run the used shop thought it was worth $10. I just laughed and they eventually offered it to me for $5 after a week. The used shop is community owned and all the money goes back into the community food bank and other areas, so it's not like these old women are making a living there. They piss me off because they send everything decent on to the Salvation Army in the city and they keep anything made of polyester. They're really fucked, they think old lady pant suits are a big seller. If you can get there before they sort, you have a chance at finding a bargain, otherwise it's a building full of dead people shit that dead people wouldn't be caught dead wearing. I mean, pick up a fucking magazine once a decade, will ya? The old ladies who live here think my scarecrow is wasteful too. Brand new evening gown! Fuck..I hate people. When the corn gets big I won't be able to see anyone, BUT, the scarecrow, which is sweet.
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I have golf ball sized tomatoes on several bushes. They are the indeterminate variety. Ya'll know about that, right? Look on the plant tag when you buy it, it will say the name and determinate or indeterminate. The determinate varieties fruit at a determined time and all at once. Which is great for commercial growers, not so great if you just want to eat tomatoes. Indeterminate plants fruit all season, but, not big bushells of fruit until the end of Summer. I planted both kinds. Did you know that tomatoes are part of the Solanaceae family? Yeah, they're related to Wolfbane, Deadly Nightshade and Belladonna. It's only the plant that's poisonous though, not the fruit, obviously. I don't know how poisonous they are, I've never tested it. It's probably best not to let your dog chew on the plants though. Unless you hate your dog.
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You can click that scarecrow picture to see how ugly that dress really is.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha...isn't it crazy that some girl LOVED that dress, had to have it, begged daddy to buy it, was dying to show off in it to her date & the other girls? There are actually pictures of some young girl with a frizzy perm wearing that and her dates tie probably matched it perfectly! I gotta love that! Great scarecrow Pat! You even gave her a "figure"!!! LOL...the old ladies weren't using that dress! They will have to get over it, when the weather shreds & fades it beyond recognition!!

Roxanne said...

Whoops! That was me!

Nina said...

I love the scarecrow Diva!!
That dress had to be out of the 80's...Better in your garden than anywhere else!

Miss Muffet said...

I am so jealous of your green tomatoes as I won't be seeing any of those until August and hopefully they will turn red before the frost returns. When does scarecrow gal get her prom date with coordinating cummerbund?

Anonymous said...

Love it best scarecrow ive seen in a long time.

Should have modeled it for us before you made the Diva lol

gardenhoe said...

Heh. Gawd, you guys are up early! Morning. I have to take my mom to the doctor, she has a cough. Then I'll be back to bitch about something new. I've started carrying a camera in my purse to capture all the insanity around here. I should wear that fucking dress today, but, it's a size 5.

Anonymous said...

awwww...all dressed up and no place to go!

Anonymous said...

what do you have against old people? you sure diss them alot.

Anonymous said...

omg I LOVE the scarecrow and what the heck is the face/head made out of. I did click the dress and it didn't get any better looking -- god aren't old bitty ladies the worse -- give me an old man over an old woman any day.

Best part is now when you look out and see it, your going to smile!!

You are going to have huge tomatoes DD.

Crystal

Anonymous said...

Helena Bonham Carter or Diane Keaton would offer at least $5.75 for it, and wear it out with gusto!.
Lately I have been thinking about digging breathing/cooling holes in a prepared bed in order to keep the soil at a low temperature, creating cool air flow via a windmill connected and driving air through the deep breathing tubes, and planting tulips in the shade.
They remind me of Amsterdam and eveything good about it. I will pop a Heineken, light a blunt, and listen to good music while losing my thoughts in the flowers.
I am an engineer, and the idea started with buying a used shipping container from the shipyard, and converting it to a veg garden. I'll do it and send you pictures.

E.

Disher of the whored garden said...

Cool on your veggie crate gardem.

Crys, the head is an old bowl mom fed cats in. I copped it. She needs hair. Maybe some old morning glory vines?

What do I have against old people? You've got to be fucking kidding. Eat me. See next post.

Shelly said...

I replaced (bought not yet put in the dirt) My tomatoes that froze earlier in the week. I'm waiting till Monday to be sure. I covered what was left with dirty towels last night, we had ANOTHER frost. YUK. It's fucking June!!! I gotta get outta here.

Naseem said...

That dress doesnt look that bad. It looks fantastic on the scarecrow. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but no bird worth his salt is going to be fooled into believing any human would actually wear that dress.

If you're truly intent on saving your vegi's... choose another outfit.

Biz said...

All that scarecrow is some snazzy red lipstick... love it!

Disher said...

LOL, thanks for the advice anon, but, there's a bird bath right there. And those are sunflowers for the birds planted right behind her.

Disher said...

Red lipstick....ahhh. I'll get some paint.

Bayou Jane said...

I agree with Miss Muffet, she needs a date and more importantly I need to see what you come up with. You astonish me. When I think I know which way your "head" is going, you do a 180 and head in the opposite direction (and I mean this in a good way). A good example---the scarecrow right next to the birdbath and sunflowers---isn't it supposed to scare birds off?

CaseyJ. said...

What are you going to call her?

Disher said...

I don't want to scare birds. I'll share.

Casey, she's the green goddess.