Monday, June 8, 2009

Stuff that doesn't matter much

I read on TMZ that Alana Stewart is suing her neighbor for over watering. She claims "mud and garbage flows onto her property, her walkways and fence have eroded and discolored, and "an increasing colonization of harmful mold" has built up inside her house."
Well! That's just irritating. If I had married George Hamilton and Rod Stewart, like Alana did, maybe I could sue my neighbors. I've never sued anyone. I wonder if it's satisfying? I mean, people really piss you off. I doubt any judge would care about the wire fence that the dogs have bent up, the plants they've killed or the attractive cement blocks I use to keep them from digging under it.
I've always thought that the best way to deal with shit is to go straight to the persons face and tell them how much crap you will tolerate. Then, if they ignore you, blow up their house. A funny thing happened here. I complained about these dogs barking so much, their owners finally started taking care of them. Then a really odd thing happened..they started forming a bond with the dogs they had ignored for years. Yep, they actually like their own dogs now. It's great for the dogs and me.
The last time we got into it I said, you can not leave those dogs out all the time. They bark constantly, day and night. Pick one! Day or night, because I can't do both. They started taking them in at night. It was blessedly peaceful. Then they started just letting them live in the house. Now I only have to listen to them a couple of hours a day and I'm fine with that.
Usually when you see that telltale bald spot where a dog is tied, it's a blatant sign of neglect. Not in this case..not anymore. He's just a really hyper dog who slams back and forth on his chain at break neck speed when ever he's on a pee break. So, I guess I have no reason to sue my neighbors anymore. I still wonder if it would have been fun though?
Their kids still think I'm the meanest old witch in the neighborhood and I occasionally yell SHUT UP at the little dog sometimes. That dog is such a pain in my ass. They were plotting to tear down my scarecrow the other day to get even. The problem is, I heard every word they said and also that scarecrow pole was too long so I buried it 4 foot in the ground. There's no way they can get it out. Then as a topper to this fiasco, I let it be known that the scarecrow moves at night. Now they're terrified to go back there. Those kids are so rotten, I won't allow Lissa to play with them. And, as you all know, Lissa is pretty rotten on her own, so that gives you a clue.
There's something those kids don't know and if anyone tells them and ruins my reputation, there will be hell to pay. I wonder who they think pays for their dog's flea treatments? Or gets their nails trimmed? Or buys them Milk Bones? Yeah, shut up. Maybe they think their dogs are just sooooo special they never get fleas. They can think about that while they're sneaking out at night. Yesterday they moved their trampoline up next to the window so they can crawl through it and escape. Did I mention that they are, like 9 and 11? Yeah..those parents have their hands full. You'd be surprised what I see around here being a night owl. And I don't even want to. I'm not the mean old biddy who spys..they're just so damn dumb...because they're 9 and 11!
By the way, George Hamilton and Rod Stewart are both hot. Alana has excellent taste in ex husbands. I wonder if she's ever thought of just cutting the hose? Or she could fuck up his outside faucet or take a blow torch to his landscaping. Dry out that shit he wants watered so badly. I guess rich people think lawyers are more fun.


lia said...

those stupid rich people have nothing better to do with their time and money and sue. absolute dickheads, each and everyone of them. i'm so glad i don't have to live in their miserable world.

you did a good job getting the neighbors to take better care of their dogs. that's what neighbors are for. my neighbors told me that my dog barked, and barked, and barked every time i went out, that was years ago but i still have the dog, he's 16 now. and they did me and my dog a favor because i wasn't home and i had no idea he was so upset. so after that i took him with me everywhere.

wish i'd found someone to quietly de-flea him though that de-fleaing stuff costs a bomb! lucky neighbors.

Pat said...

Nice that you recognized the problem and fixed it. For both your dog and the neighbors.

Anonymous said...

always thought Rod Stewart was hot too - not so much George.


gardenhoe said...

George is really funny though..and that's hot.