Sunday, June 7, 2009

ASS Plums

This is mom's plum tree. It's huge and loaded. They'll be ready in a couple of weeks. My Aunt came running out mom's side door while I was taking this picture and said "Don't eat them plums, they're all wormy. Just full of worms." Oh, really? I checked and there's no insect damage and no sign of any insects. My Aunt is so weird. She thinks because this tree grows near the door she uses, it's HER tree. First of all, Aunt Nutjob, the tree is huge, it so loaded the branches are bent so low Lissa could pick it. Second of all, Aunt Nutjob, there's enough fruit on that one tree to feed the whole neighborhood and oh, yes, I will have some plums. She's so crazy. Every year she makes jelly. Plum jelly and some shit we call Crap Apple jelly. She only makes about six jars. She gives it to people for Christmas because she so cheap. No one eats it anymore because, gawd, no one knows what's in it, now that she's totally fruit loops. Probably Fruit Loops.....and cat hair. I might dust my branch tomarrow, she can have her imaginary wormy ones. Big old senile liar pants. There's some point here, but, I'm too tired to make it. Oh, yeah, I will have Plums. I'll pick baskets of Plums and give them away. Heh heh heh heh. Why are old people so crazy? Free ASS Plums, come and get 'em!

4 comments:

PeggyAnn said...

you ever had plum dumplings?

PAt said...

Nope. You want a free basket of ASS plums?

Heidi said...

ROFLMAO!! Ass plums.

gardenhoe said...

From ASS geezers. I'm their free fucking gardener..they should offer me the plums.