Thursday, May 21, 2009

Message in a mental mail box

I just got back from that funeral. I have to say, preachers make me awful mad. If someone has faith in their God and is a member of a church, that should be mentioned. A nice scripture that relates to them should be found and read. But, this guy and some other ones I've heard lately, seemed to use Sarah's funeral as his personal forum to preach, and that's not right.
He said Jesus way more than he said Sarah. And there was some analogy about Jesus on a boat that went on forever and I'm not kidding. Run to Jesus, he said. I stopped counting after 14 times. Maybe he wasn't a good speaker, you say? Then why did he become a preacher? It made me feel bad for Sarah, they were supposed to be honoring HER life. He repeated that Sarah would say "Run to Jesus" all the time. I never heard her say that. She was tolerant of other faiths and never preached to me. She told real good stories of the good old days, knew local history and she was a smart woman. Dapper dresser too. That preacher man said a few tiny blurbs about her when he wasn't kissing the ass of Jesus. He said Sarah's hobbies included bingo and quilting. WTF? She was a seamstress and a textile artist! She made wedding gowns! Brides don't let hobbyists touch their wedding dresses! She made amazing art quilts, really amazing. And he had the nerve to mention it as a hobby in passing.
I'm sorry, but, he was pathetic, as most of them are. I am spelling out exactly what I want done and said after I die, so I don't end up with some speaker like that. I will say this..the slide show of Sarah's pictures was wonderful. She had quite a life and was a spitfire. She was 78 and had lost her hair to chemo, but, they'd put a white turban on her and red lipstick and instead of looking cartoonish, she looked young and gorgeous. I kept sending her that mental look beautiful!
That is all I have to say about funerals today. I don't like preacher men, they never get the real point. Shame on 'em.


Miss Tia said...

my friend eddie has mentioned that the last couple funerals he went too all they did was preach about getting saved and only mentioned the person who had passed as an after thought....

blogger comments are wonky today! :P

coyote-38609 said...

I think they feel the more they bloviate, the more money they'll get paid. You do know they are "paid". I've seen them when they hesitate and look at notes to make sure they have the name right. Phonies--all.

Disher said...

At my mother in laws funeral the family pastor called her Cleva three times! That's her sister. Her name was Cleta, I was disgusted by that. He preached too instead of honoring her and he knew her for decades.

PeggyAnn said...

Preacher did the same thing when my Gram died. grr.

Disher said...

It's so......disrespectful.

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to what your saying but as aggrivating as it is, upsetting even, theres a couple things to keep in mind.

If the person who's died hasn't had a real conversation with their minister or whom ever will do the service, whatever religion they were willingly associated with before death, WILL preach on what that religion holds important on the subject & being born again (if it's a christian religion). Because the general assumption is made that it's important to the deceased as well or they wouldn't have been involved with that church or group to begin with.

If someone passes and isn't affiliated with a specific religion and family members plan the services through their church of choice, again it's going to focus on what that group holds as important and sadly some will use it as a tool to make their point, and i agree that it's uncalled for if the deceased wasn't willingly a part of that church.

All these things and so many more are why it's extremly important to have these talks with the people we love before hand. Not when we get ill or know someone is going to die, but now while we think clearly on the subject and look into things, make plans.

Not only do we get what we want and skip over the things we find distastful & don't agree with in the end we are making it so much less burdensome to who is left behind to have to deal with the funeral arrangments.

Wether it's our loved ones or us who dies at least theres some comfort to take away in knowing that the final arrangments were thought through and planned as it was wanted.

None of us know when were going to die, young or old, death doesn't care. It's never too early to write down a few things that we want to make sure happen, or don't, from funeral & burial arrangements to making sure it's clear what goes to whom. Doesn't matter how little someone has, it brings out the worst cases of, I want and it's mine,in way too many people. Thats what bothers me the most when someone passes, that inevitable arguing over STUFF.

coyote-38609 said...

Very well said, Anonymous. I have a long term insurance policy, a living will, and my cremation/burial arrangements (sans preacher/priest, etc.) already made and paid for so that I won't become a burden to my kids and they will not have to make any decisions on my behalf.

Our parents would not discuss with each other or with us what their wishes were. We were left to guess whether what we did was what they wanted.

Again, thanks for your thoughtful post, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Coyote. Been in that same quandry with family members myself, being unsure of exactly how & what they would have wanted, as well as somethings i knew damn well they wouldn't have.

This happened 4 times in less then 2 years so i had "the talk" and both my parents and myself have done what you have. Preplanned and paid for funeral & burial services, with notorized letters of what we do not want to happen and how we'd like the services carried out (all 3 of us are like a number of you and don't agree with or want certain things).

But it was most important to my parents not to leave me in a mess, financially and emotionally with having to see to everything & deal with extended family bs and shoulder the ridicliously high cost of a funeral for both of them alone.

Bottom line, it only took 24 months of paying things out but its all taken care of now, burial plot, headstone, funeral costs & a say in what & how the wake & services take place.

No sooner was it paid, my mother passed and father shortly after her, and it WAS a relief and comfort not to be bogged down with all of those things & I knew it was all exactly as they wanted it. And there was only a little fuss that was soon put to rest when the notorized letters came out of exactly how they wanted what little they had handled.

Seriously, i can't urge people enough to act now. Even if you choose not to pay out services before hand (its a HUGE bill to dump on someones head ontop of their greiving) at least get some things down in writting for your own and loved ones peace of mind.

coyote-38609 said...

Couldn't agree more, Anon. It's a relief to know that everything is settled ahead of time.

Changing an old saying a little, "I'd rather give with a warm hand than *take* with a cold hand."

Have a pleasant day.

Anonymous said...

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