Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Night garden, ghost plants....loss



The Dusty Miller's show up nice at night, don't they? I call them ghost plants. I like to garden at night, or just sit out there in the moonlight. Alone. It's not depressing, it's comforting to me. I haven't been able to talk to anyone lately, I go through spells like that. My Internet friends wonder what's wrong with me and my real life friends, well, some of them know I'm like that sometimes, some of them wonder too. I feel bad about it, but, that's just the way it is. I can't change it. Doctors call it anti-social disorder or reclusive something or other. I don't think I'm at all anti-social. I do well in social situations, shoot, I can talk to anyone about anything. I like people fine. It's just that sometimes, I have to be alone. I could be alone for weeks or months and be fine. People shouldn't worry or be upset about it. No one should take it personally. Once I bought a farm, moved there and talked to no one for a year. I don't know why. I was not depressed though. And I'm not depressed now.
*
I have a funeral to go to in the morning. I've been to several funerals in the last few months, all people who were parents of my friends. People I'd known for decades. It's that time in life when families change because of the natural order of things. I feel bad for my friends though. When I cry at funerals, it's for the living. For their loss. It's hard to see them so hurt. But, all of us will face it, sooner or later. It IS part of the circle. Except when the dead person is young. Then it's really unfair and I don't think you can get over that. Nope. You just learn to go on...to get used to it. You never get over it.
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Blogging about celebrities helped me go on. They are so ridiculous, it made meaningless chatter in my life where there was a big fresh hole. There is still a hole, there always will be. In my mind it is on the right side of me, the entire right side. I don't know why, in my mind that was always Eric's place. It can't be filled. But, with time, it becomes less jagged. Less likely to cut you when you look there.
*
And sooo......life is alright. Celebrities are really boring me though. Some, a few, I admire. Most, I do not. I can't go there today. How many times can you write about some one's shoes or hair? And why the fuck do cell phones get launch parties? Really? A party for a phone..think on that one. And "awareness." Oh, for craps sake. We are aware, aren't we? I'm aware that they bore me. I think I have satisfied my curiosity about celebrities. Maybe it's time to shut Dirty Disher down. But, then I'd lose all my cool posters. It's quite the conundrum, eh? If this is the worst thing in my life right now, and it is, I'm alright. Blogging is like Prozac or Paxil for people that don't want to take Prozac or Paxil. I think I'll make more coffee and ponder it.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd be sad to see Dirty Disher go, I don't go there because I'm interested in celeb's lives - I frequent the blog because your are insightful, and funny as hell. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I enjoy visiting this blog just as much, and I do love gardening (the real-life kind, not the I-have-two-gardeners kind).

gardenhoe said...

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I don't want to lose my internet people. They are some of the most entertaining people I've ever known.

Disher

Anonymous said...

Maybe you can keep the blog DD, but don't focus much on the celebrity aspect of it. Let it be a place where everyone can sort of speak their minds, maybe about current events, or something you decide to post.
I enjoy reading the celeb part, but it's getting old. It's all the same anymore.
I too go there more to read what is going on in your life and find it rather amusing when you talk about your family.
This blog is truly the prozac/paxil for those who refuse to take it.

Naseem said...

I was wondering where you had gone. I understand where you are coming from. Been there too. Sometimes end up there now and again.

I wish I could say something to bring a smile to your face. How about...I got a splinter while watering my garden. Not kidding...Really happened.

misstiajournal said...

oh noes!!! what we do if you shut down the dirty disher??? take a break but don't shut it down!!

where would we get our celebrity dirt dished daily with such wittiness and your insight??

you could diverge into regular news items...i have vintage gossip mags...don't leave us!!!

:hugs:
tia

Disher said...

I'm taking all your advice. crabbie does a good job. He made me laugh out loud yesterday. I'd miss you all too much I think.

misstiajournal said...

take days off...just post a few days a week...post current news stories that interest you--national, worldwide (start another fuck china shitstorm! :D)

we have a great community on DD..i feel like i have friends there and i know others feel that way too....an internet coffee break room!!!

:hugs:

Anonymous said...

Dish-

Reading DD has been part of my daily routine for about a year and a half...You have made me laugh through a crappy time in my life. Some days it was the only laugh i had that day. I couldnt really care less about the celebs, but the way you point out their stupid and shallow ways is hilarious. I will read your thoughts wherever you post....snowbunnie

Anonymous said...

DD
You have been a strength to so many people. We are selfessly asking you not to go permantly. But you have been through a lot too. A lot has changed in your life in the past year.

Those of us who understand Crabbie and his remarks (which I really enjoy) are happy he is there to pick up the slack. But can you really see him finding people like Miss Peggy, the lady with the yard jewelry, and Ms. Jolene Sugarbaker for us?

We enjoy you and your family and friends. We identify with you. I don't really care about the celebs, but everyday when I get home from work, I have to check you out.

And, another point to ponder---- we wouldn't get to see Alissa grow up!

We love ya!

Disher said...

Thank you all. Okay, guess I just need a break, huu? A mini vacation in my head.

Anonymous said...

Mom, You are the coolest person I know. You ALWAYS make me laugh when I am home, but when I am away from home, I get to come on your sites and keep up with you and you make me laugh even when you are not sitting next to me. Then I get to go to work and say, "Hey guys, listen to what my mom said!" and we all have a laugh. I love you and support whatever you do though.
Your loving daughter
Casey J.

P.S. I do LOVE the gardening site!

Disher said...

I love and miss you, Casey J. I am thankful everyday that I have a daughter. You fill the left side. Odd mind placements. Lissa stands in the middle.

coyote-38609 said...

I have to have my own space, too. I like being alone with my thoughts. Your blog reminds me somewhat of the book, "Fried Green Tomatoes". Have you ever read it? I have a feeling you'd really enjoy it.

I've been lurking at disher and other blogs for quite a while and I enjoy them, but this site seems more interesting. I think maybe it's the variety. I feel like I've eaten too much chocolate when I even see the letters J&K or the other bits and pieces of celebrity gossip.

I don't know how I didn't know this blog existed until today--just somehow missed it. Your daughter's comment is something I'd be very proud of, if I were you. It seems like she really really knows you.

It's nice to have a good kid, isn't it?

Disher said...

Yes. That's true. And we do know each other well. We always did get along.