Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Old lady check day

It's old lady check day, which, around here, is like a trip to the Bahamas. A cruise of magnified cocksuckeredness with no captian at the helm. Today it happens to fall on a day that I work. Oh, yeah, I'm waiting. For 12 years I've had the same work schedule, I have business cards and flyers of which I've given the old ladies numerous copies, yet, they can't remember when I work. So, I sit here waiting for their old ass's to come throw open the door, joyfully announcing that "It's check day!" and they need a ride to the bank, the grocery, the bread barn, the dollar store and 10 other must see establishments, none of which serve liquor. Not that I drink, but, I wish I could learn.
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One would thinks an only slightly brain damaged pisser like me would just tell them..I work today. That way they could have gone this morning. But, who am I to interrupt their old lady routine of turkey bacon and egg breakfasts served to each other in front of the new flat screen TV they don't understand the remote to, while The View plays on closed caption because they are both pretend deaf. Nope, I refuse to play their game. We're too old and feeble to know when you work after 12 years of the same schedule. We're just sweet old ladies, helpless really, look at us!
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I will simply simmer in silence and be late for work, it's better that way in the long run. Resentment is a gift. It must be slowly brought to a boil after years of stewing. Trust me. Did I mention I'm practically an albino and it's hot today? Yes. Maybe I can pick up some sunscreen as I wait in the car for hours while they stand inside in the AC debating the merits of light canned kidney beans versus dark canned kidney beans. And people wonder why I stopped the DirtyDisher. FUCKBALLSzzzz!

17 comments:

Eric in San Diego said...

You try to hide it under a thin veneer of disdain, but you...lady friend...are a giver. You give a lot to people who would have much less without you. Try to hide it, but we're on to you!

gardenhoe said...

Pfffft. Those old bitches hold the deed to my property.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO!!!!! I cant wait till Im old and can torture my kids.....

sb

Anonymous said...

DD, do you mind if I ask what your job is? Also, who are the old ladies you chaueffer around?

I know you had once mentioned that you rented a room somewhere and did readings, I think??

Disher said...

I am a Tarot reader, I work for myself. I do rent a space uptown to do it in. The old ladies are my aunt and mother.

Uhh, today my aunt decided to go on the gambling bus, my mom decided she only needed milk and I got to work and it was slow. Ranted for nothing. Consider it a pre-rant, they'll want to go in the morning. And the next day and the next day and the next day....

Disher said...

And yes, I shuld have read my own cards first.

Anonymous said...

Thank God you're still around to make me lol everyday after work.

Anonymous said...

How did you get into Tarot reading?

Anonymous said...

do you have many clients that come to you for readings?

post an article bout it next! plz

lia said...

here in australia we are so freaked about sun (skin) cancer that everyone has a vitamin d deficiency and thats not good. get in the sun dd. thats what gardening is for. i'm glad you've done this...... ditched celeb's.

gardenhoe said...

No. I don't do sun. Ever.

gardenhoe said...

Sure, I could talk about Tarot reading.

Nina said...

I'd love it if you did a piece on Tarot Reading!! I've always wanted to be able to do something on that line but I'm convinced you have to be born with the skill.

The old ladies are lucky to have you. I'll just bet they know you love them too..

Anonymous said...

You can love the little old ladies but want to stuff them in the boot of your car on check day.It's true, fact, they can and will drive you insane if given the tinest opening lol. Been there done that.

OmeOmy said...

Gardenhoe - How do you avoid the sun w/that beautiful garden? What area of the country are you in? I'm down south (NC) and have 'maters size of my fist...

gardenhoe said...

I garden only in the rain or at night.

gardenhoe said...

And I live in Iowa.