Friday, June 5, 2009

Sympathy for a poor bastard

Sorry I don't have a proper picture for this post, I had my camera, but, well, let me just tell it. I was parked in the parking lot of the medical building yesterday, waiting for my mom. I park in the out of the way spot, because it's not crowded and it has the greatest trees to look at. Really pretty trees, pines, thornless locusts, maples and oaks. I'd brought my coffee and smokes and under the seat is a selection of books. I found James Herriot and peacefully opened it and started re-reading the old "All Things Bright And Beautiful."
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Suddenly, this total asswipe pulls up next to me, right on me. His fucked up parking skills were a feat to behold. I could touch his door without bending my arm. Then the fat bald fucker leaves the car running (he needed a muffler) and cranks up his retarded country western brain damaged shit. My eyes narrowed, my heart started to pound, my teeth started grinding. WTFing F?
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Just as I'm about to let this fat bald asswiping fart face have it, two old ladies come out of the medical building and shove their way into the tiny space between our cars. One has a walker that won't fit. Since both these old cunts are trying to jam thier fat ass's in the back of his car, I wonder why they didn't go to the other side where no one was parked? Fucking idiots. Then one old lady starts bitching and the other one chimes in. "Some people can't park. Some people think they need two parking places" Etc, etc. The fat bald asswipe looks at me and in his eyes I see pleading. I know, I know..I can't believe I gave a shit. But, in that instant, we are two people who know what it's like to be constantly fucked with by old bitches until our entire existence is nothing but migraine induced vomiting. I don't know what got into me, but, I said (loudly) "I'm sorry, I'm not a very good parker." Then I started the car and moved it up, allowing the old cunts to enter his car....and they left. Then I moved back and picked up my book. Lighting a smoke, I pondered why I'd given the fat fuck his last shred of dignity back. I have no idea. It's not because I'm nice, I'll tell you that. If anyone says I'm nice, I will reach through the monitors and slap the fuck right out of you. Fat bald asswipe, have a good day..I'll slap you next time. He's probably one of those assholes who pees on the seat in the doctors office.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

It annoys the shit out of me when there is an empty parking lot and someone has to park their car three inches from mine. Especially when I am trying to get my kid in a car seat. What the hell is wrong with people?
By the way, I love the idea of gardening but can't grow weeds. Hoping you can learn me something!

Annie

gardenhoe said...

Annie, what would you like to grow? Let's start small and simple and get you going. I know, that parking thing pisses me off and when kids are around people should back the fuck off and be safer. Some people are so rude and stupid.

Anonymous said...

Thats great. You were just saving someones day. Next time maybe someone will do the same for you Pat. You were totally feeling the guys pain, you empathized with his situation. His is yours, so you felt it. It can't be helped, you are not a bad person. Hows that? I didn't say you were nice! But char.

Anonymous said...

Ditto on the trying to get a kid in the car seat....people around here SUCK and will pull right up to where you are trying to buckle them in and wait so they can park 2 inches from you...EVEN WHEN THE REST OF THE SPOTS ARE EMPTY!!!!! I hate people....sb

Miss Muffet said...

It's karma, babe and yours just got stronger!

Disher said...

The world of full of idiots. It really is. We must expose the idiots here.

Miss Muffet said...

You need to read Kim's comment #31 on Moon's Friday Follies. It made me laugh and I thought of you sitting by that water...

CaseyJ. said...

LOL, you make me laugh.

gardenhoe said...

Miss Muffet..comment 31 on Moons Friday follies..

Just in case you’ve had a rough day, here’s an 8 step stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works:
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called “the world”.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding underwater…
8. See! You’re smiling already.


Uhh, I prefer fire.